Let me start of by saying that since I started travelling at the age of 18, I have had the most amazing experiences in my life. Most of my travelling have always been alone, no partner, no friend, just me and my bag full of diaries to record any kind of experience. I remember travelling to Canada for the first time and spending 5 months in the most beautiful part of British Columbia. I was part of the Canada World Youth program, and pretty much all of my spiritual and emotional growth occurred there. I met a couple of amazing people, dealt with new experiences in my life, and having the chance to choose the right things for myself. I enjoyed every part of Canada. Still till this day, certain sounds, weather pattern, or a particular smell can take me back to a situation I lived through in Kelowna.
When I returned home from Canada, I was so excited to share my life changing events, tell them about my counterpart, and most all share my personal growth as a person. Don't get me wrong, everyone was very happy to see me back home, we would all hang out; however, the sadness overwhelmed me of how they were not getting any of my life changing experiences. None. Soon, everyone was back to their own routine. Could no one see the new change in me? Should I shout louder? Why aren't they getting it? I kept contemplating and wondering if anyone actually missed me or not. To fight the feeling of loneliness, I quickly got into the routine everyone else was going through, but as a person I have changed a great deal that it was hard to get back into the routine of doing the things everyone was doing. Something was off about it all.
During my studies in university, I decided to pursue my dream of seeing Turkey. I always knew that I wanted to get married to a Turk or at least live a relatively Turkish lifestyle. So, I manifested, and actually was able to save enough money to travel to Turkey. Somehow ,I met a really good Turkish person online who directed me to a Turkish family who needed someone to teach their 5 year old son some English. I immediately got in contact with the family, and we were a match made in heaven. I was extremely open minded and free spirited that I didn't even consider the dangers of travelling to a family that I have never met before. Soon, my bags were packed and ready to go. Once again, I had the most amazing experience in my life. The family was a dream, and still to this day, I love them like my own. I got to learn the language pretty quickly, learned the culture, and figured that this is where I need to be. The three months in Turkey were absolutely amazing. Once again, when I was finally on my way home with bags and bags of stories and experiences, I couldn't wait to unpack my adventures of a life time and share them with all my friends. Once again, everyone was happy to see me home, but no one was really interested in understanding the personal transformation that took place in my head and heart. People just couldn't see the world through my eyes. Once again, I was extremely disoriented, I craved my sweet life in Turkey. I craved having a glass of tea and the conversations that came with it. Instead, life was bland and once again I was squeezed in this routine of life, or whatever people make life to be. This kind of devastation happened to me again when I went to Saudi, and even till this day, no matter how much I want to share my experiences of Saudi, people around me will never get it. As a traveler, you often get that special chance to see the world in a different shape, experience your growth in a different context that you can actually feel. However, that is just that, nothing more or less. The sad part is that those events can never be replicated or relived again by others, no matter how hard you to try to paint the picture.......they will never get it. I realized that I can't blame my friends and families for not getting it. Sometimes, I feel that a lot of me is lost in these different countries, and I often return to South Africa half the person. The part I taught myself is that, when you get home, everything will be the same, your pillow, your home, the daily routine will be the same as you left it. You are the change that can't fit into that routine anymore.
My most treasured experiences occurred in Saudi. Not many people will ever see the beauty of this country, comprehend its character, nor see the world through its eyes. I am very lucky to have seen Makkah, to have touched the Ka'aba, to have lived a good Islamic life, to have enjoyed the niqab (even though everyone looks at me crazy when I say that), to have made the best and worst decisions there, and to have soaked up the presence of Allah by its vast peaceful landscape. I love this country even more because I really found the best sister and brother over there. It hurts even more that I have only memories that live with me, and that the chances of seeing these people again are none. Once again resulting into the life of a lonely traveler.
I have accepted the idea that I will always be a traveler, and the sad part is that there will always be that disconnected feeling of life at times. However, my memory is my best friend, the only thing that can make those experience alive again. I don't blame my friends or people back home for not getting it. I can't get frustrated if they don't see what I have seen, or hear what I have heard. The beauty is that as long as I know that I have grown for the best, loved the hardest, and that happiness was your force, then that is all that counts.
Now...dealing with Iraq........
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