Saudi Men, - the naked truth-

I know you are all dying, as in dying to hear what I have to say about the Saudi men. How are these men that  are secretive about themselves and about their families? Are they sincere or are they cunning as most people perceive them to be. Who are they? What do they do? Are they good? Are they bad?

Well, first of all before anyone starts reading this blog with preconceived ideas, I beg you to see it from my perspective and where I am coming from.
Before I came here, I was pumped with information of "DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH SAUDI MEN". Everyone was completely against me speaking to any of them or even saying "hello". No one has serious grounds on what they base their opinions on.

As a young western woman, I often try to see the men for what they are in their own culture and then compare it to the world that we know.
Now, before I came here I was very fortunate to have  met a young Saudi man. I was actually praying that I would meet someone from Saudi, because I needed to know where I was going, what should I expect and not expect. All of a sudden through A Turkish friend, I met a young Saudi chap. I will not lie, before I met him , I imagined him to be wearing his thobe and schmack. However, to my surprise the boy was dressed in denims and comfortable flats .... of course he would, he was in South Africa.
The moment we met, we clicked as if we knew each other for years. I can safely and honestly say that he has taken the place of a really beloved brother in my life and has made everything possible for me to be comfortable in Saudi, even though he was still in South Africa.
He is one of many young Saudi guys who have gotten the opportunity to go study and work abroad. He has the most open mind I have ever experienced from a young male. At the same time, he respects women more than anything. He could not even harm a fly. On my way to Saudi, he figured out that one of his close working colleagues was taking the same flight as mine. So he asked his friend to take care of me from the Cape Town international airport all the way to Riyadh. Now, I have traveled alot, and no one has ever sent me a body guard to look out for me from point A to point B.
Since I have been in Saudi, the young men and older men have never treated us, as western women with disrespect. In fact, they often give way for all women first. They often help out when there is a language barrier when purchasing things at a store or merely offering advice on what to  do in Saudi.
They have been painfully polite and have always greeted me and my house mate with a "salamu alaykum sister". When they realize you are foreign, they engage easier. They ask questions of our countries and why we are in Saudi. Then they often give a caring tip "do not believe anyone here, some people are not good".
Young Saudi men are always judged, because of the fact we judge their society. Just because women are not allowed to drive, automatically we believe that they want to control everything and anything.
However, no one knows how life can be tough for these boys. No one knows what their struggles are compared to the women.
Unlike the women that are veiled and protected and valued by their families at a very high cost, these young Saudi men have to aim for things that are above and beyond them.
I have 3 good Saudi male friends that have told me that they are so tired of trying to get married. The price of dowry is too high and often families base their opinions whether they are good or not by what other people say. Even if those people hate them and would only spread lies about them. Some Saudi guys can kiss marriage goodbye for the mere fact that they have passports. Yes! That's right, I said it! Just because some of these boys have passports, it is perceived that they often go to other countries to engage with women and therefore their word or their honor isn't valid anymore. Now, the Saudi friends I have, have never done anything in these countries except study, pray, work and hang out with boys. In South Africa it is often very easy to identify a Saudi guy. They often can't speak to woman and shy easily when they are mixed groups, since it is something not done here.
Now, I know we can't all brush them with the same brush. I am sure there are some of these boys that do go to other countries to get some good times with the ladies and then head back home.
However, life is intense for these boys. Believe me the struggle doesn't just end there.
If the boy does get married. He has to provide EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. The only thing the girl must do is pack her belongings and move in to the house the guy bought. She doesn't have to lift a finger. She doesn't have to work, she doesn't have to bring an income. She can just be!....breathe air and drink water.

All responsibilities are upon the man to provide. If she is sick, he must run and make the appointment for her to go see a doctor. If she needs to go shopping, he needs to take her there and back or organize their driver to drive her. He needs to provide for the family, no matter how big or small. Do you understand where I am coming from? Believe me, the Saudi never sulk doing this job, the actually enjoy doing this for their sisters, their mothers and their wives. Actually it is not even a job for them, it is an honor for them to do this. I see little Saudi boys as young as 13 driving their big sisters to school or patiently waiting for their dear sisters to finish school and ready to take them home. Can you imagine the responsibility a 13 year old must feeling and the consequences of what would happen if he rocks up home without his sister?? From a young age they are taught to watch out for the women in their families and ALWAYS take care of them.
I am saying this, because it often irritates me when people are ready to beat the Saudi men down. The Saudi men are doing what OUR men are suppose to do. In our world, we women have to do half of it! Yes, honey, your worth is half that electricity bill or that mortgage. Isn't it funny when they say WOMEN'S RIGHTS.
No, it is a woman's right to be a full mother, to choose to be at home or not. It is not a woman's right to keep worrying whether her husband is going to rock up with the whole months pay, because he might have gone down to one of his buddy's houses to get a drink and gamble some of it away.
It is a woman's right to never have to worry about it. Guess what? Islam provides those rights! Yes, the very religion that most people want to protest against, is the religion that actually keeps the families sane. It keeps the roles of male and female in a marriage and in the family simple and straight.
Yes, women do work in Saudi! Women do study here, but it doesn't mean she has to buy the house!
Yes. I said it and I did.
I have lived in a very conservative part of town for almost 8 months now I have seen it with my eyes. The men pick up their sisters from school, they drive them to shops, they drop them off at the lady parties. The woman just picks her clothes, he carries her bags while she is carrying the babies. He hooks into her arm as they walk together and do their shopping together.
Now, I am speaking of what I have seen and have witnessed. As far as what happens behind closed doors I have no idea. It is like any other marriage, some of the marriages could be really good and some really bad. I can't speak on that. However I can speak on the behaviour outside the homes.
I am not saying that I going to run off and marry a Saudi guy, however I am saying that we should not judge what we don't know.
Life is life no matter where it is. Whether it is in America, Africa or Arabia, life is life. We all struggle with difficult husbands and wife, with difficult children and with social changes. However, we should see and judge life for what it is. Abuse happens in Africa, America and Arabia. Love happens in Africa, America and Arabia. If the women were so pinched from it, if the women were so against what they have now, don't you think social changes would have occurred? Most of all men are men! There are good men that we should acknowledge and give them the credit for always stepping up in society. There are also very bad men, who should be given guidance on how to be civil members of society. No matter where your eye turns, there are good and bad. However, we should see the good ,acknowledge it, whether it is from the West or from the East.
I am dedicating this blog to my Saudi brother. For he is a good brother and good man. He represent many men that are doing what they are ordered to do; to care , to love and to protect. I want to acknowledge this, for  it is something beautiful that most people won't appreciate.