Some things are better left gone.

Some times it is better to express one in poetry, because the naked words are sometimes not enough.

Paper has always been my canvas to paint the picture of my mind, make the outlines of my heart and finding the niche of my thoughts.

Some things are better  left gone. 

Never thought it would be so easy to move on,

but some things are better left gone.

Now that I am carving the road on my own

Testing every part of me, my feet are firm on the ground

You were everything to me, you were my laughter

You made somethings easy and time for us didn't matter. 

But you crippled me with your words

Blind whispers of what the wind heard.

Like a sharp knife coming back at me

I was blinded! Your betrayal I didn't see

But we are grown and strong

some things are better left gone

Photographed pictures in my head of what we used to be

Like Bonny and Clyde, we were a mean team

You were my ying and I was your yang

That's why this ending is more than just sad.

You left not a smile but one big frown

How could you even kick me while I was down

The one person I thought had my best interest at heart.

Instead, it was the one person that ripped me apart. 

I would fight for you , for you to come back

But the friendship already took everything I had.

You took the memories and all that I had.

It was okay, until you sold the good for the bad 

I can't find the tune, the harmony to even morn our song

but some things are better left gone 

You took the innocents away when you created a crack

A crack in my trust of others, a crack of doubting all I had

Don't get me wrong I only wish you a pleasant life

Where you can sell the anger for a bit of a smile. 

Where you can taste the sun on your lips 

Where you can let go of this negative grip.

As for you and me being one solid song

i'm afraid some things are better left gone 

No doubt so many things said so many wrongs

but some thing are better left gone

I pray for the day you can see beauty is in the eye of the beholder

But it only comes with wisdom when you decide to grow older

Your fear is a poison to those around you

Like a sickening ivy that only make your vision  skew

To the point where no friend no love and no air is there

Then who will shield when you are scared?

You see....

We were all pretty much on your side

But you turned around and made us a lie

So, kicking us while we are down

And watching us fade and scream while we drowned.

Soon, you will come to realize that karma does exist.

Karama is never late, to elevate us when it sees fit. 

And for sake of God, I would stop Karam's wheel.

Because I wouldn't want to see a friend cut from the knees. 

But my job is done, my song has been sung.

Time for you to go on your own and see how it's done

I said my words, I unclench my fists

Like a lady, I will rise above this

So, my friend this is it, excuse me for any of my wrongs.

But some things are better left gone. 

What is your language of love? Lost in translation.....

This blog is a response to a reader who enjoyed reading my blog and had a really cool question for me. She/he asked me as to how one can improve the romance in a relationship. How can one step up to being the best partner for ones spouse. 

I have never really given advice to anyone regarding that, because I am a rooky at this. C'mon I have only been married for 2 months and 5 days. However my advice comes from the bottom of my heart and it is more religious and spiritual. I also pray that it helps you. 

First of all I would say that you should probably ignore all the books and "Love Guru" magazines that are trying to teach us how to love. My argument is that love is natural human instinct. We all felt it and wanted it from the day that we were born. We were mostly lucky knowing the purest sense of love from our mothers. As they say in Twilight, it is an imprint. Your mom was everything and became everything you wanted. However, it becomes tricky when we step outside of family love and fall into the romantic love.  It can be frightening and most of all really exciting as to see how things will turn out. 

My first advice and the one thing I stick by is that you need to be aware of God.  You need to be aware that He is watching you. Whatever you say and do is being witnessed from the All Mighty. So, when it comes to our speech and what we reveal or conceal , you need to know that God is ever watching you. So, if your intentions are 100% pure, you will of course make sure that you are ever patient, loving and kind to that person. Most importantly what you say to that person will have a greater impact. 

My second advice that I stick by and I think it is really important, because it highlights on how to fulfill  people's needs. What is your language of love?  What does love mean to you? We all experience and understand love differently. What does it mean when someone say "I love you"?  How can that person show it to you and you being fulfilled and vice versa It is important to know your spouse's language of love.  Some people understand love by spending time with one another. Another person prefers gifts and being spoiled for shopping, others might like words of love. For example my one friend really likes to be told beautiful words every time and that is how she feels that she is loved. My other friend rather indulge in spending time with her husband. She enjoys sharing a good meal, talking about their days, going on tours and various kinds of activities with the person she loves. Now, your job is to find out what that person's language of love is. If that person really feels loved by words of affirmation, it doesn't help if the partner doesn't say good things or is cold in replying. The same with if another person enjoys being spoiled with flowers and all cute gifts, it doesn't help if you don't give him/her that and do something else instead. So, it is really important to know what your partner's language of love is. In the same way your partner should also make the effort to find out what your language of love is so that you can both find a common ground , or at least fulfill each others needs. 

An expensive bag or big ass diamond means absolutely nothing to me, because it isn't my language of love. Now, a beautiful note or message that is stuck on the fridge with a small flower means the world to me. 

At the same time we need to exercise patience, because it is the most absolute thing in any marriage I think.  You can't have high expectations without patience, otherwise you will just shoot yourself in the foot. Likewise, how would you feel if someone place great expectation on you and then you can't fulfill them?? So, exercise patience, let your partner be himself/herself.  So let the woman be the woman and let the man be the man. Sometimes he will say something that will just raise your eye brows, but be patient, and let him figure it out that maybe it wasn't an awesome thing to say.  Give each other time to figure it out and so you learn together of how to step up when stepping up needs to be done.  Some of you might think "but saying words of love is not my thing". It is that kind of thinking that will keep making you fail. Compromise! I mean, my husband loves hiking and outdoor stuff and I don't necessarily love it, but I am willing to go on a hike with him, because it makes him happy and at the same time I get to spend time with him :):)  If you can't find the creative words to tell her how much you love her.....GOOGLE IT.......c'mon there are millions of letters Shakespeare wrote. Even better our Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) was the most romantic person. Go and read on how He treated His wives and how  He (PBUH)  made Aysha blush!! Rasulallah (PBUH) saw where Ayse (May Allah be pleased with her) drank from the cup and He(PBUH) drank from that same place, just to show His (PBUH) love for her (May Allah be pleased with her).  Something so simple, yet mind blowing! 

Last but not the least, never ever give up! Never sell the price of your marriage for cheap ticket  to an easy way out. No one ever said marriage was easy. However it is the most beautiful thing created by God. So, don't give up in it.  Always try your best, be at your best and never be let down. Marriage is not for lazy people. Nothing is more sad than seeing your spouse letting themselves go. Never let yourself go. I mean wearing pajamas is kinde cute, but wearing pajamas the whole day long is not so good. Imagine your spouse coming home to a woman still wearing pajamas  hair not done, smelly breath and an untidy home......ewwww!  That is why the romance just dies out, because people become comfortable and lazy.  The same with the dudes, especially the dudes!! Remember before you married her, you used to sweep her off her feet by coming up with poetry, making sure whenever she gets to her desk at work there would be a  beautiful flower sitting there with chocolates, sending her the last message  before she sleeps, so that you are the only thing she thinks of. Remember the days when you used to open up the door for her WAITED until she got in the car and then closing the door?? Remember the days when you carried her bag, pulled out the chair for her and made her feel like she is the only thing that kept you breathing? Now, why did you stop doing that?  So men too, don't become lazy. Keep being the best and making sure you out do her by showering her with lots of love!!  If you feel frustrated or even hurt, because you are going through a rough patch, once again be aware of Allah. He is right there for you! Pray about it, tell Him what is in your heart and exercise patience, for Allah love those that are patient. The more you are aware of Allah, the better it is to see things in a good way, to not be let down and to always try your best. and NEVER listen to what others say. Your marriage is unique and beautiful! Treat it as such! 

Love is such a simple thing, but we make it so complicated. We often confuse it with superficial and unrealistic "love" with real love.  That is why you need to love yourself fully first and see what it feels like so that you can give that kind of love and respect to your partner. 

So dear reader, I hope this advice can somehow guide you and give you some food for thought. Happy loving! 

This quote from the Qu'ran should inspire you InshAllah

30:21] Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think.

Big Girl, you are also beautiful!!!!

Mika is clearly the coolest dude on this earth. 

This topic has just came to my heart to write about, because I think it is something a lot of chicks, girls and women go through.

Isn't it enough that it is already killing most girls just be the prettiest, because we set up for judgement? The whole world runs on judgment all the time and women are caught up in that.

I'm pretty comfortable in my skin, always have and always will be. Not to mention whether I was big or small I have always been successful in everything I have set my mind on.
However not all ladies have the same level of confidence due to how they feel, how they look at themselves and what their loved ones say to them.

I was lucky to have attended an all girls' high school where there were girls from all walks of life. I mean, my school was pretty cool .We had ALL  girls!! As much as it might sound like we did pillow fights in our pajamas, that was not quite the case.

The one thing that most girls struggled with in high school was  the self image problem. Self image problems that even led them to deadly eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia  I was thinking to myself how did this happen? How could someone feel so low about themselves that their self image is so distorted that they could actually harm themselves?  Also, I thought, maybe it is a phase and maybe eventually they will get over themselves, but that was not and is not the case.
The answer to my question is pretty much on every TV channel, every magazine you flip, every billboard you drive by, every store you shop in where a girl can't find her size. It is everywhere. However, I thought to myself  that social expectations can't be the leading cause of it. The problem starts with loved ones. The problem starts at home. If the people you live with, love and grow up with make you feel like every part of you is just one big damage then of course who wouldn't want to throw themselves down a bridge.
Loved ones include, friends,  family, wives, husbands and all the lot that you consider are in your inner circle   Nothing is more damaging to the heart than a loved one telling you "You are fat", or joking about how you look.
I am lucky, because I come from an African family and from South Africa. African people in SA will tell you that you look beautiful big and sick when you are skinny....that is just our social norm. That's why weight issues are not much of an issue back in South Africa for a lot of African girls. Even if you pick up a pound or 2, most guys will be like "hey sister, you are looking fine" or your aunt will say "it is about time you get some meat on that body of yours".
The same thing I am experiencing with Saudi girls. Saudi girls are so chilled out. They never talk about weight, they don't necessarily care, because they will end up marrying anyways. So something as fickle as weight doesn't determine a girl's success nor her wish of getting married or being loved for who she is NOT what she is.

My argument is that loved ones need to be careful of what they say to those around them. Everyone gets on the wagon of "don't judge people", but as soon as we get to our loved ones or when we know we can get away with saying whatever, we literally sink so deep and tell them they are fat, they are ugly, they have big this and big that.  You have no idea how your words can affect that person.

From my personal story. At some point in my life I was a big girl. I have always been a big girl. Luckily my personality, my drive never stopped me from being the best person I can be for myself.  Emphasis on "for myself". No one really focused on my weight. African people don't roll like that. I was in Canada weighing 75kg and no one even bat an eye lid. So, clearly there was more to me than my weight.


When I got to Saudi Arabia, I realized that I had all the time in the world. So I decided to start a small exercise program for myself.  I jogged for 20 minutes every day, skipped the rope, did some yoga and changed to a diet that suited my body. In about 2 months I dropped 9 kg. I have always enjoyed sports and exercises, so it was easy for me to do it. No one held my hand, no one encouraged me, no told me "good job girl". I did it all by myself and by the strength from the Lord above.
When my mama saw me she was a bit shocked. Her first response was "are you okay, is there anything eating you up inside? Are you sick?" That is an African mama alright :)  However, my family never placed the emphasis on my weight, whether I was big or small. It didn't matter for them.

Then I decided to go on a different diet, the Atkins diet, which works like a bomb. Lost 7 kg in one month. Awesome stuff. Once again I did it BY MYSELF. I didn't do it to be the prettiest or  to be the skinniest  I did it just to see whether it worked or not.....and it did.  Once again, no one stood by my side, no one saw the hard work , no one was my biggest fan. It was all me!
So, when someone does comment on my weight whether good or bad, I don't appreciate it, because I figure that you weren't there and didn't go through it with me, so why are you talking?

It is funny, because I am the kind of person that doesn't judge physical appearances at all. Big person, small person, light person, dark person..that doesn't matter in my books. Clearly being married to a Turks should speak volumes of how little I care about outside appearances. He is white, I am black.....so I really don't care. I judge you for what comes out of your mouth, for what is in your mouth already exists in your head and heart. In addition,  if you are the kind of person that puts pressure on others about their appearance, then maybe you need to start asking yourself why aren't you on the front cover of Vogue or why aren't you on Men's Health. Besides mountains don't bow down for you and sure as hell,  the earth doesn't crack for you. So,  as far as I am concerned you aren't anything special.  Yes, I can be one mean bitch if I want to be and I only dish this out to people who go around judging others.

If people love you only because you are pretty and look skinny, then you should take a step back and analyse this situation. Play a bad joke on them and pick up the pounds to see if they will stick around. People should love you for you, they should miss being around you, because your personality lights up the room. Your loved ones should be loving you just the way you are. Even if you decide to lose weight or pick up weight. Then they should standing by your side on the decision YOU made, not a decision that was made for you by what they think .

Also girls, I know some of you feel "will I ever be loved, because I don't look nice, skinny" and all that bull crap. My answer is YES!! I have walked different walks of life and you will be just fine. If your loved ones all of a sudden start putting sanctions on you,  they wants you to wear your hair like this, to weight this much, to dress like that....ditch that person!! Remove yourself from that negative energy. If he has such a big problem with how you look tell him to go pray about it and not talk to you about it, because God made you this way with this hair, with those stunning eyes, with that gorgeous smile.

Also girls, the love for one self starts with one self. Don't wait for someone to validate you or show you how amazing you are. Show yourself how amazing you are. Never ever give people the opportunity to even evaluate you. Even if they do, don't let it ever affect you.  God created us all in His way and by His leave. Start to embrace the beautiful things about yourself.  If you have beautiful eyes, love it, appreciate it and be grateful for it. If you have long legs, appreciate it and be grateful for it.  The bad news is that you will 99% never look like Salma Hayek or Jennifer Lopez. The good news is that you DON'T have to be like that. You can just be you. Because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!

I realized this only a few weeks ago when I saw how Saudi girls are so chilled out. I mean, big girl, small girl, they are so chilled out. Their families do not bother them about how they look, they probably bother them about WHO they are, what kind of person they should be.
I am so sick and tired of hearing girls cry, complain, not eating, not sleeping, because they are busy exercising their lungs out. Why? No, because her mother said she is too fat, or no, her boyfriend told her she needs to change this and that.  My questions is.... WHO ARE YOU? Who are you to put sanctions and pressures on people? Did you check yourself in the mirror and I am sure you didn't get a second to look, because the mirror cracked.
I'm all for girls being left in peace and quiet. I am all for girls to be  judged for WHO they are and NOT what they look like, what they are dreaming of and what they want to become in life.  No wonder in Saudi, girls are wearing abayas! It is a form of protection. It doesn't just protect her modesty, it protects society from judging her, putting pressure on her and making her feel that she is a piece of meat.

This might look like a prison in your western eyes. But this complete freedom!
I love the abaya. However, it came also be useless if the people you love still judge
for all the wrong reasons.

Besides I have NEVER seen an artist paint a skinny girl....clearly the paint brush can't even be that thin.  So, don't let people bully you whether you are big or small, skinny or voluptuous. Always be you. The most beautiful thing you can be is to be yourself. 

English Presentation Gone Standard.......NOT!!:

Made a poster of the countries that speak English the most.

I have to say today was a marvelous day. It was like one of those days that actually put tears in my heart, because I knew that I will miss all my students and I will miss Saudi Arabia.

We were assigned to do a presentation about English. In the beginning we were pretty mind blogged on what to focus on. I decided to tell my girls that the theme is on how we can use multimedia to improve spoken English.  In the beginning we were all pretty much dumb struck as to how we could pull this off, because time was not our friend. Me and Miss Ameerah we pretty much freaking out, but I was more freaked out, because there is no ways that we were going to look like asses in front of the rest of the University staff.

So, we decided to do movies, books, social media and split the work up for the students. Yesterday we were suppose to set up our corner for our presentation, but we were not informed about that. So, our corner looked like a donkey's ass, consisting of only a plastic table and a white wall.
Me and Miss Ameerh decided to head down to the stationary store and buy some posters, pens, papers, spray paint and anything that will make our presentation fantastic. I still believe that our corner was sabotaged, because some how non of the communication ever reached us.

Anyhow, I went home like a real student. I actually made a poster, made me miss high school all over again. Some how the students also came up with amazing posters and came up with awesome books, movie elements, coffee and sweets to make our table look great.

The one corner of our presentation. 

This morning when we were ready to set up, we couldn't even find a table cloth. So we had to go around like gangsters trying to hustle our way through finding a table cloth that looked decent. Eventually we begged for one. After wards then everything just melted together. All the students came to set up their stuff, organize the table, set up the movie that we were playing in the background.
I didn't think it was the most awesome table. However, the dean of the university thought very differently  She liked it so much that she even asked me to give her a copy of the movie I was playing the back ground....The movie is Ratatouille :) !! They stood by our table, asking us lots of questions on how we can incorporate multimedia to improve the student' English. It was amazing.  My students came together, serving all coffee, sweet and dates.

I was pretty impressed with my girls, I was impressed with them working well together, being patient with each other and really pulling through. We literally had a day to put something awesome together and we did it with no sweat. I am writing about this, because people often mis- perceived Saudi girls. Most people think that they don't have a bone of creativity in them or that they can't even organize themselves. However it is not like that. These girls are like any other girls, they have talent, they are creative and really enjoy working together as a team.

So this blog is dedicated to my class, Direct English Level 2 Group 1(Sarah, Leenah, Sameerah, Hineen, Haifa, Hessa, May and Norah). I think you girls rocked and you are awesome! Will always love you and for sure be in my heart forever!!

Peace,

You teacher!!

Women Talk and Men Fix.

I have to say that it has been a real while since I wrote on my blog. Well, It has been a while, because I GOT MARRIED!! Finally, the search is over, finally the days of waiting for that Knight on his horse to  sweep me away has FINALLY swept me off my feet. Can I get an AMEEN for that!! 

So, I have been preoccupied with being exceptionally happy, being at peace and enjoying my first steps in to a life of marriage. BOOM!! 

It has been a week full of drama in the woman world and all kinds of things that started making me think how different women are from men. I mean, men are from Mars and women are from Venus and it is a fact. I even saw how different me and my brother are and how we both react differently to different situations. 

One thing that has come to my attention is that women talk and men fix.  As simple as this analogy sounds, it is often the very situation that brings so much confusion, it  is harder to understand than doing a science equation. 

When women talk we just talk. When men hear us talk they think they need to fix what ever we are talking about.  However, it is not as simple as it sound.  Men don't understand or often misinterpret that women talk, because they complain. Their talking is all about complaining about things. So, their (men)  immediate instinct is to fix what we are complaining about and at the same time they feel that we are not  appreciative of their fixing or whatever they are doing for us. 

So, lets clear some things.  Women talk. Unlike men, women talk and we are comfortable talking about anything that bothers us. Since we got our first period, we have been talking. Since we had to get bras and had acne on our faces we have been talking. Women talk, because we can't inhibit our  thoughts to ourselves for ever. All women can agree that the amount of changes that happen in our lives, give us so much reason to over think, to go online and do research and the best of all, to organize  tea parties with our friends and  talk.  Also, I am sure men would be happy to hear that our talking doesn't mean we are complaining. Most times when we talk, we just need you to listen....NOT fix, just listen to us. As far as I remember my mom talked more than my dad. My dad  mostly nodded and used words like"ok" and "alright". It was enough for my mom. 

It is just in our fibre and DNA to talk about whatever is going on in our heads. As much as we have the ability to multitask like professionals, with that multitasking we have brains that often over work with worry, ideas, new ideas, issues and so on.

A woman has to grow up,to be a daughter and also to be an amazing student. While being that amazing student she often dreams of getting married and also having a fabulous job. When she does get married and has her amazing fabulous job, soon she has little babies to burp, change their nappies, cook for , clean for, talk to and raise to become good members of society. We are doing this while being married and having fabulous jobs. So, who can't find any reason to talk about what is going on in our heads?  Sometimes we need someone to listen, not fix,  just listen. I can assure you most women carry enough Cleanex tissues in their bags to make sure to have some for any woman who has something heavy on her heart, or feel that she is not being good enough or feel that she is overwhelmed with everything. Most Cleanex tissues are for us too.

So do you boys understand why we have a need to talk. Besides you want the woman to raise your child to have the best talking skills so that by the age of one you can call your child a genius. 

As for men. Men have this amazing ability to fix a situation. Why? Because you are programmed like that. Your role in life is to provide, to give a  home and to protect. So when you see that the door of your house is broken, your immediate instinct is to fix it, before someone comes in and harms your family. When you see that the car's tire is flat, you have immediate reaction to get it fixed so that you can drive your wife to work and your kids to school. Perfectly normal. We love the fact you want to fix and often CAN fix things. However, things get a bit tricky. For example, how to fix  her sad emotions, her broken heart, her stress and whatever she is talking about. The good news is, she will let you know when you have to fix anything like that.  The other good news is that she will let you know when NOT to fix anything. Most times, she doesn't want you to fix anything in her head, she only needs you to listen to her. To hold her tightly and to assure her everything will be okay. However, you often don't know what to do when she has troubles with her emotions, so you end up not listening and then she complains that you aren't listening to her 

So why do we often misunderstand each on this topic? Well, when women talk, men often see it as an alarm to fix. When they think they have given you a home, clothing, food and other good things and when we still talk, they assume we don't appreciate it.  So the keyword for men is APPRECIATION.  Even though we are not complaining, it might come across as a complaint, because the poor dude' first instinct is to FIX. So, when they have given us all we wanted and we still talk, they feel they are not being appreciated. 

So the answer to this problem is showing signs of appreciation. Maybe before we talk ladies, we need to start off by saying "I am so happy with everything you have done for me, you are an amazing guy. I just sometimes feel so overwhelmed being so far from my family, or having a job and taking care of these kids make me feel so overwhelmed."   This sounds a whole lot better than "I work too much, I am always alone raising these kids. I am so far from my family. You always come home so late." 

So, we need to be careful on how we express ourselves to avoid confusion.  

That's why it is always important to talk with words of kindness and affection even if we have issues. It doesn't help adding fuel to fire by using harsh words, swearing and losing our minds over something. We have confirmed that most men do have "selective" hearing. So, if we talk carelessly and mindlessly, they already shut down and feels not appreciated. And we ladies, feel like they are not listening to our dying hearts. 

Let's face it men don't have tea parties where they talk about their babies'  first burp, and we women don't walk around with a tool box trying to fix things. So it can be a hard place to finally meet and agree on things, but there is a place to meet each others needs.  We just got to practice appreciation, learn to correct our speech and to listen to one another, even if it is just for the sake of listening.