The Most Embarrassing Thing Happened To Me in Saudi

Omg!! That is all I can say after the events that just took place about 5 minutes ago! I think I would like the world to swallow me whole and cover me up with the ashes of the dead....that is how worthless  I  feel right now. I am not exactly sure if I want to cry or just crawl up and die.

So I  have been really busy today, cleaning up and packing up right. I decided that after Isha I will head down to the Sook (Market) to go sell my gold ring.  So, I asked the hotel to ring up a driver for me.  So they did. The driver took me to the sook and I told him I  will call him as soon as I was done.
Very sure of myself, I went to the little gold shop to sell my ring.  I originally bought that gold ring for 800 Riyals and thought that I might sell it, if lucky for 650 and not backing down.  However, the gentleman told me he will buy it from me for 700 Riyals. I was very happy with his decision. However this is where the catastrophe started. He asked for my Iqama (ID number). Now, being the smart person I am,  I didn't think I will need my Iqama (ID) to actually sell a ring. However I needed one. So, I told him I have it at my house and I will come back as soon as possible. He agreed.

So, I head down to the little supermarket to buy some phone credit as I initially didn't have. I needed to get phone credit to call the driver again to come pick me up. I got the phone credit then BAMM!! Another problem!! The new system in Saudi needs a person to type in the Iqama number plus the voucher number in the phone to load up the credit!! That is when I was starting to shit bricks.
Soon, I thought of plan B, I know that I sent my Iqama number to this service through SMS and I could just look it up on my phone. I looked up and looked up and couldn't find it. Then I remember that I delete service messages on my phone!! Then my world slowly started crumbling down.

I was standing by the exit of sook, frantically looking in my bag for anything that had my Iqama number on it so that I can get the credit loaded to call my driver. Then BAMM!!! Again, another problem!! I cleaned out my bag earlier today! So, my passport, my photocopies of my Iqama were at home!  All I could think of what "Dear Lord from heaven above, please don't let me walk in the middle of the night back home."  However, it was the only option I had.  Who was I going to ask to to get me home? In Saudi you can't just rock up at some family and bum off a ride...especially of the fact that I am a woman!!

So, I told myself "Zimmy just calm down, we will figure something out." So, plan C, came to mind. I can walk up to that pharmacy and ask the cashier to call my driver for me. So I started walking, however I wasn't wearing the right abaya at the right time. The wind was ballistic. The worst thing that I ever dreamed of happening to me in Saudi, actually happened. Due to the hectic wind, my abaya split open!!! YES MY ABAYA ACTUALLY SPLIT OPEN!!   Holding my bag in one hand and a shopping bag in the other, I tried my  best to grab my abaya shut. I tried dropping my bags and buttoning the abaya back up. However, I couldn't do it fast enough. About 5 cars drove pass me, hooting, shouting and all that could come out of my mouth was "Oh my God, Ya Rab, Ya Rab, Ya Rab" I have never been so embarrassed in my life before!!! NEVER!!  I was also wearing colorful pants pajamas and it wasn't hard seeing it. I eventually dropped my bags, quickly buttoned myself up by the street side. Another embarrassing thing!! As a woman in Saudi you never stop by the street side!!! NEVER!! It is like apocalyptic will happen if you ever do. Just keep walking.

So, eventually I got myself together, walked as fast as I could while shouting "Oh my God, help me". Then the worst thing happened. As I was about to cross the street, the ring that I wanted to sell was on my middle right hand finger, and I forgot that my fingers are super skinny now, they can't hold that ring in. As I was crossing the street, the ring literally slipped out and fell on that main road. I wanted to stop for a second to pick it up. However, all the cars were coming at a full speed. I stood by the side, waited for them to clear so that I can run back and look for my ring. I looked and looked and couldn't find it.  I went back in to the middle of the street to look, but then another car came and hooted and clearly the person driving the car wondered "what on earth is this woman doing in the middle of the road late at night ALONE???"  My heart was in small pieces as I tried piercing my eyes to find it.
I eventually quickly ran into the pharmacy and begged the guy to call my driver. He could see that I was ready  to cry. . He peacefully passed the phone over and let me call my driver. Luckily  my driver came soon to take my sad ass back home. I told him that I lost my ring in the road and he kindly tried looking for it, he found another Egyptian to help him look for it. He told me , if they find it they will call me! For that split second I didn't care about the ring as much as I cared of how embarrassed I felt in less than 10 minutes. I looked at my hands and was just happy that it wasn't my wedding ring that fell. Because my wedding ring is priceless piece of gift, it could never be bought or sold nor its worth be determined  Besides that I think my husband would eat me up if I ever had to lose my wedding ring. :)  Alhamdulilah.

Now I am home, safely in my house. I can't believe that just happened to me!! I wonder if it has ever happened to a Saudi girl? Has a Saudi girl's abaya ever just ripped open in public? If so, what did she do? All I could think of was just asking the world to split open so that I could jump in it bury me!!

I'm just glad nothing happened to me. No religious police came, no one attacked me. Alhamdullilah!! As for the ring, sad that it is gone, but happy that I didn't lose my dignity with it!

ps: Isn't it funny when these moment happen to you, all  you want to do is cry and call your mom.

She Endures. A tribute To Women

I was reading my favourite book by Khaled Hosseini called "A thousand Splendid Suns". By far this is my favourite book and my favourite author.
I was intrigued by Khalid's writing style, his ability to make the words come alive and inspire your imagination as you read. His writing is unpredictable, full of drama, love, hurt and survival. I can't explain how much he has inspired my own writing of poetry and short stories.
One passage that stood out for me in this book is where he vividly describes Miriam's suffrage and endurance by the words of her own mother.
                                " She remembered Nana's saying once that each snowflake was a sigh heaved by an 
                                   aggrieved woman somewhere in the world. That all the sighs drifted up the sky 
                                  gathered into clouds, that broke into tiny pieces that silently fell on the people 
                                  below.As a reminder of people like us suffer, she said. How quietly we endure all
                                   that falls upon us". 


I lived this moment when I went to town to do shopping and I saw a woman covered in her abaya and niqabi holding her tiny baby, sitting by the entrance of the supermarket begging for money or food for the little one.  Quietly she endures all that fell upon her with the baby in her hand. Not much as a cry came out.
I looked at this live painting in front of me and wondered whether life was cruel, bitter-sweet in its own concept. Or is it simply a test to see how far we are willing to go for survival. Either way, the image is still stuck in my head and presses deeply in my eyes where I can't hold my own tears back.

I sometimes reflect in my own life and wondered whether I have been tainted in such a way where I also keep my silence and quietly endure. As I back track, I surely see, that I also at some point have endured, still enduring.  I don't think women in general can ever stop enduring. It is the only strength we have been given. Some of us seem to bite through it and some of us believe that even death is better than the agony it brings.  This inspired me to read about the women of the world. Famous women, rich women, progressive women and most of all ordinary women.  No matter of our paths  no matter of our experiences, we all eventually meet at the same cross road called "woman" and somehow most of us choose the path of endurance. It isn't a sign of weakness nor a sign of submissiveness. I would treat it as sign of internal strength, perfect love and sometimes with in our own pain we discover some happiness, some kind of bliss.

There fore I was pretty much inspired to write this short poem as a symbol of strength and love for all women.

Silent she is 

Whether she is as dark as night 

Or as pale as day light

Her identity doesn't lie on her skin 

Everything she is, she keeps it within.

For every tear that she cries

An angel quietly sits by her side

The best of comforts that she may find

Her love is like a well that never runs dry 

Or her love is never thirsty, never less than life

With the weight of expectation on her shoulder

A baby, a child or a father's daughter.

With all the worries in her eyes as she gets older

A girl, a woman, a bride and later a mother

Like her body changes, her mind changes too

If you look deep inside you might discover the truth

That she also, has dreams at night, hopes in the day

That she too, has wisdom, religion and hunger to pray 

That one day her silence will not go in vain

That she can get happiness that's smothered in pain

And yet you sell, trade, dispose her honor only for the world's price.

Which isn't even high, to the point she  wishes to die.

Whether in a her veil, her covering you might not see her eyes.

Ask yourself if she dead or is she even alive

She might be walking, but her heart might have stopped beating

Like a dead man walking no direction of being

So one day when you see her in her fullest of bliss

Ask Who she is rather that what she is

You won't hear a cry, a sigh or a scream

That's how silent she is.