Ramadan- Let it be a month of remembrance ----

There are only about 5 days before Ramadan 2011 takes off and for all Muslim brothers and sister to tighten their faith.
This is going to be my fourth Ramadan and a very special Ramadan at that. I will be spending half of it here in Saudi Arabia and the other half Inshallah I will go to South Africa to spend it with my friends and family.
Ramadan is always the best part of the year for me. It is the month of patience, sacrifice and silence. It is a month of prayer and believing that Allah hears our prayers and pushing our faith to the highest limit.
Allah promises us that in the month of Ramadan that our sins are forgiven and that Allah blesses us bountiful.
Ramadan is the time to to give forgiveness and ask for forgiveness for any wrong we have done to others and most of all the wrong we have done to ourselves.
It is a special month of being in the company of Muslim brothers and sisters and to share a common love for our Lord, the Most Merciful.

In South Africa, Ramadan is like any other month except for Muslims. We get up early to eat our food and then go to to work. We work in the same conditions as we work in any other month. It is a struggle for most Muslims living in non-Muslim countries. However, I believe that we should not despair and not to focus on the length of the day and the work, but rejoice, because Allah can see our dedication even through tough times.

In Every Ramadan I try to make a list of issues/problems that I have to work through and try to overcome these issues through my fasting and prayers.
This year, I am focusing on two things that have weakened my character. Patience (Sabr) and sensitiveness. I have been extremely impatient with situation around me, most of all impatient with myself. It has been something I have struggled with for a long time. When I have a goal, I set it and no matter what I want to achieve that goal, even if it someones defeats me or wears me out. I believe that Patience is a virtue. It shows faith in Allah hearing our prayers and at the same time answering them.
Sensitivity has been another issue that has blunted me a little. I can't seem to take criticism very well, and it has only happened recently. I think it is,  because my life has slowed down and I actually get the time to think about what people say and think about me. However, people's words are just that.... words. Should I measure my expectations to what people think and say about me? Or should I measure myself to what Allah thinks of me?
I should trust more in Allah and let Him be the only judge of my character.

Like many Muslims, I am sure everyone one else has things that they would like to break through, that are holding our spiritual growth back or displacing our faith in Allah. We should look at those little things that deflates our character, work on those things and always ask for Allah's guidance and assistance.

During our lives, Allah will test us. He says that in Surah Al-Baqara. He will test us with hunger, with fear, lost of lives and the fruit of our toil. We must seek patience and His Face in these times.
Allah will never give us something that is too heavy for us to carry. He will never exert us, but strengthen our faith and our Eman in Him.  So fear Allah and forever seek forgiveness from Him.

Now, what I have seen is that some Muslims sleep the whole day and eat the whole night during Ramadan. This is something new for me. Sleeping throughout the day during the month of Ramadan is NOT sacrificing anything. Some leave their work early or don't even come to work. We become lazy and use Ramadan as an excuse to not do our daily duties. I think it is very shameful and defeats the purpose of why this holy month has been prescribed for us.
I know in South Africa that for some strange reason, before Ramadan the shops are FULL of Muslim buying food as if they are going to die during the month!!! Some cook the whole day and eat the whole night. I think this is fundamentally not well and it is not a good character to have during this month.
We should continue our duties to our best ability and even work harder during this month. Believe me Allah sees our doings day in and day out.
When it is time for Iftaar, some shove 10 samoosas at once to make up for all the meals that they have missed through out the day!!.  Also another issue that defeats the purpose. Our Prophet (SWAS) broke his fast with dates and water. He did this for a reason. Do you think you will be able to do a good Magrib prayer when your gut is shooting past your feet???? No. Breaking fast with water and dates is a logical and healthy way to give energy to the body and at the same suppress the hunger, preventing us from over eating.
Some people actually pick up weight during Ramadan rather than losing weight!! Come on brothers and sisters, Ramadan is more than the food. It is about giving up the very things we desire for the love of Allah.

The best way that I have always broken a fast is by drinking a glassful of water with 7 dates. You will feel the hunger satisfied. After that, you can have some soup and a small meal that will be nutritious for the body.
I know that Ramadan is awfully hard for those that have to do it in summer where the days are longer and Suhoor is before 4:am in the morning. However, to get through these days is by what you eat for Suhoor. Once again, indulge in dates, lots of it in the morning with milk or water. I also love drinking fresh orange juice, because it is packed with natural sugar that will give you energy throughout the day. Another good food for Suhoor is brown bread, because it releases slow energy throughout the day, so you will not feel so much hunger.

Ramadan is really good when it is well planned with your family. Make sure to make your intention the night before. Sleep earlier so that you can wake up for Suhoor. Remember the Prophet (SWAS) said that we should do Suhoor, because there is blessing in it. Make sure that you surround yourself with positive people that will not set your temper on fire. In Ramadan we must refrain from anger, speaking evil, hearing evil and seeing evil. So make sure you are surrounded with good friends that can help you and to keep you positive.

One more important thing in Ramadan is to pray like you have never prayed before. Sometimes we just do our 5 daily salat and think we have done ourselves proud. No, speaking to Allah does not just end there. Make Du'a as much as you can. Ask for forgiveness, seek for guidance and may Allah shape us in to good people. May Allah reward us with what no man can ever measure. May we pray for those that we love, those that are our enemies and most of all for those that are in hunger.We must remember those have nothing so pray for Allah's mercy upon us and them. Pray for our mothers and father, our children and those that came before us. Remember only through Prayer can we establish a good relationship between our us and Allah. If we don't speak to Him or read about Him, how are we suppose to know Him? Tell Allah about your pains, your fears, your hardships, your love, your happiness and to ALWAYS give THANKS. Give gratitude! Only through gratitude do we recognize what Allah has blessed us with. So, ALWAYS SAY THANKS!

Finally. I want to wish each and every Muslim a beautiful and blessed Ramadan. May the strength of our fast and prayers ripple through the world. May Allah be please with us and may we think of those that don't have anything.

Ramadan Mubarek Olsun! 

Saudi Men, - the naked truth-

I know you are all dying, as in dying to hear what I have to say about the Saudi men. How are these men that  are secretive about themselves and about their families? Are they sincere or are they cunning as most people perceive them to be. Who are they? What do they do? Are they good? Are they bad?

Well, first of all before anyone starts reading this blog with preconceived ideas, I beg you to see it from my perspective and where I am coming from.
Before I came here, I was pumped with information of "DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH SAUDI MEN". Everyone was completely against me speaking to any of them or even saying "hello". No one has serious grounds on what they base their opinions on.

As a young western woman, I often try to see the men for what they are in their own culture and then compare it to the world that we know.
Now, before I came here I was very fortunate to have  met a young Saudi man. I was actually praying that I would meet someone from Saudi, because I needed to know where I was going, what should I expect and not expect. All of a sudden through A Turkish friend, I met a young Saudi chap. I will not lie, before I met him , I imagined him to be wearing his thobe and schmack. However, to my surprise the boy was dressed in denims and comfortable flats .... of course he would, he was in South Africa.
The moment we met, we clicked as if we knew each other for years. I can safely and honestly say that he has taken the place of a really beloved brother in my life and has made everything possible for me to be comfortable in Saudi, even though he was still in South Africa.
He is one of many young Saudi guys who have gotten the opportunity to go study and work abroad. He has the most open mind I have ever experienced from a young male. At the same time, he respects women more than anything. He could not even harm a fly. On my way to Saudi, he figured out that one of his close working colleagues was taking the same flight as mine. So he asked his friend to take care of me from the Cape Town international airport all the way to Riyadh. Now, I have traveled alot, and no one has ever sent me a body guard to look out for me from point A to point B.
Since I have been in Saudi, the young men and older men have never treated us, as western women with disrespect. In fact, they often give way for all women first. They often help out when there is a language barrier when purchasing things at a store or merely offering advice on what to  do in Saudi.
They have been painfully polite and have always greeted me and my house mate with a "salamu alaykum sister". When they realize you are foreign, they engage easier. They ask questions of our countries and why we are in Saudi. Then they often give a caring tip "do not believe anyone here, some people are not good".
Young Saudi men are always judged, because of the fact we judge their society. Just because women are not allowed to drive, automatically we believe that they want to control everything and anything.
However, no one knows how life can be tough for these boys. No one knows what their struggles are compared to the women.
Unlike the women that are veiled and protected and valued by their families at a very high cost, these young Saudi men have to aim for things that are above and beyond them.
I have 3 good Saudi male friends that have told me that they are so tired of trying to get married. The price of dowry is too high and often families base their opinions whether they are good or not by what other people say. Even if those people hate them and would only spread lies about them. Some Saudi guys can kiss marriage goodbye for the mere fact that they have passports. Yes! That's right, I said it! Just because some of these boys have passports, it is perceived that they often go to other countries to engage with women and therefore their word or their honor isn't valid anymore. Now, the Saudi friends I have, have never done anything in these countries except study, pray, work and hang out with boys. In South Africa it is often very easy to identify a Saudi guy. They often can't speak to woman and shy easily when they are mixed groups, since it is something not done here.
Now, I know we can't all brush them with the same brush. I am sure there are some of these boys that do go to other countries to get some good times with the ladies and then head back home.
However, life is intense for these boys. Believe me the struggle doesn't just end there.
If the boy does get married. He has to provide EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. The only thing the girl must do is pack her belongings and move in to the house the guy bought. She doesn't have to lift a finger. She doesn't have to work, she doesn't have to bring an income. She can just be!....breathe air and drink water.

All responsibilities are upon the man to provide. If she is sick, he must run and make the appointment for her to go see a doctor. If she needs to go shopping, he needs to take her there and back or organize their driver to drive her. He needs to provide for the family, no matter how big or small. Do you understand where I am coming from? Believe me, the Saudi never sulk doing this job, the actually enjoy doing this for their sisters, their mothers and their wives. Actually it is not even a job for them, it is an honor for them to do this. I see little Saudi boys as young as 13 driving their big sisters to school or patiently waiting for their dear sisters to finish school and ready to take them home. Can you imagine the responsibility a 13 year old must feeling and the consequences of what would happen if he rocks up home without his sister?? From a young age they are taught to watch out for the women in their families and ALWAYS take care of them.
I am saying this, because it often irritates me when people are ready to beat the Saudi men down. The Saudi men are doing what OUR men are suppose to do. In our world, we women have to do half of it! Yes, honey, your worth is half that electricity bill or that mortgage. Isn't it funny when they say WOMEN'S RIGHTS.
No, it is a woman's right to be a full mother, to choose to be at home or not. It is not a woman's right to keep worrying whether her husband is going to rock up with the whole months pay, because he might have gone down to one of his buddy's houses to get a drink and gamble some of it away.
It is a woman's right to never have to worry about it. Guess what? Islam provides those rights! Yes, the very religion that most people want to protest against, is the religion that actually keeps the families sane. It keeps the roles of male and female in a marriage and in the family simple and straight.
Yes, women do work in Saudi! Women do study here, but it doesn't mean she has to buy the house!
Yes. I said it and I did.
I have lived in a very conservative part of town for almost 8 months now I have seen it with my eyes. The men pick up their sisters from school, they drive them to shops, they drop them off at the lady parties. The woman just picks her clothes, he carries her bags while she is carrying the babies. He hooks into her arm as they walk together and do their shopping together.
Now, I am speaking of what I have seen and have witnessed. As far as what happens behind closed doors I have no idea. It is like any other marriage, some of the marriages could be really good and some really bad. I can't speak on that. However I can speak on the behaviour outside the homes.
I am not saying that I going to run off and marry a Saudi guy, however I am saying that we should not judge what we don't know.
Life is life no matter where it is. Whether it is in America, Africa or Arabia, life is life. We all struggle with difficult husbands and wife, with difficult children and with social changes. However, we should see and judge life for what it is. Abuse happens in Africa, America and Arabia. Love happens in Africa, America and Arabia. If the women were so pinched from it, if the women were so against what they have now, don't you think social changes would have occurred? Most of all men are men! There are good men that we should acknowledge and give them the credit for always stepping up in society. There are also very bad men, who should be given guidance on how to be civil members of society. No matter where your eye turns, there are good and bad. However, we should see the good ,acknowledge it, whether it is from the West or from the East.
I am dedicating this blog to my Saudi brother. For he is a good brother and good man. He represent many men that are doing what they are ordered to do; to care , to love and to protect. I want to acknowledge this, for  it is something beautiful that most people won't appreciate.

The Abaya-empowering women!

Living in the Middle East and reading about the Middle East are two different things. From my experience, I would say, disregard what you read and come live here to form your own opinion. I always believe that personal experience often directs us into the right direction regarding lifestyle of different countries.

Now Saudi is one of the most peaceful countries, actually it is the peaceful country on my list. Since,I have been here I have never been bothered, hindered or treated badly. In contrary, I have been living in peace and at ease.
All of my friends back home ask me about the "abaya" story. Is it hot? Do you feel depressed? Do you feel oppressed? How does it feel?
I took a while to really answer that question as I didn't want to answer it while I was in my honey moon period in Saudi Arabia. No, I wanted to wear this piece of clothing long enough where it frustrates me, helps me and most of all to understand its purpose.
Before I came to Saudi, I was not really nervous about the abaya, Muslim women around the world wear it in their daily lives or when they do their prayers.
For me, the abaya is more than just a covering of a woman's body. No, there is a lot more behind this piece of cloth that protects what is deeper than the eye.
My thought starts at -human dignity and respect. You are wondering, what has this got to do with the abaya. Well, it has a lot to do with our perception of the human body, more so the female body. Coming from a society where girls are being taught "thin is the way to go" , "show more skin" and "strut your stuff", I find that it has had a negative effect on most girls' self image. Every day in our societies we hear of women killing themselves, because society does not accept the way they look. Young girls from the age of 16 get bullied at school for their body shape and size. Girls spending their time, working out calorie counts and spending money on the best dress to impress the opposite sex. The saddest part is that girls die to be beautiful. Die to be like the women on big billboards on the high way. Girls shoving their fingers down their throat, girls only eating a carrot a day just because our society has pressurized our women to be something that they are not. Now, in the media, the whole ideal of a woman has been manipulated. "The less you wear, the better you are." I ask myself, BETTER FOR WHO??? Yes, better for men who will look at you as an object of sex, better for perverts to stimulate their sick desire, better for society to make woman do things that seem "empowering" , but actually are not. Walking down the street with a dress that could actually be a shirt, and high heels that could break legs is not empowering. Instead you will find  men, men that have no interest or regard for what is behind your skin,  wanting you for something that is not going to uplift your honor.
I have been in Saudi for 7 months now,  by  law of this country, there are no pictures or big billboards of women wherever your head turns. Some people will say, this is oppressive. I say this is progressive. This law has given women power more than what a human being can give anyone, and that is self respect and dignity for the nurturers of our society. I applaud this country for keeping things clean.
Some of you might think, I have been brain washed or I have turned to the other side. No, I have seen this all by myself and have looked at the impact it has on the women. My students don't suffer from half the things, girls at their age are suffering back home. Instead these girls take pride in themselves, guard themselves in the most modest way. No man or no woman can ever judge her in a disgraceful manner.
Another issue I have learned is getting over the "trick" of society. I came to this conclusion, because I have actually been through this before. I remember the days when I wore the shortest skirts thinking I will knock them off their feet. Then one day after university, I walked on the streets. It was like a pack of hungry wolfs howling. There was nothing pleasant about it. A compliment is not "girl you look sexy, but I think you would look sexier at the back of my car", or "nice tits" or "that is a good ass you carrying there". No, there is nothing complementary about that. However, society seems to teach us that those are compliments. You have to ask yourself, "how low must society make you feel to only be good enough for compliments on the side of the street." Of a matter a fact those guys at the club or at bars that we dress up for are just that, guys at a club and the bar trying to get lucky and we ladies don't even know it. No man of that level would EVER attempt talking to a woman when she is dressed modestly, certain of herself and her being on her way to school or work. So, that is a coward way of society that lures us into dangerous territories.

Since I have worn the abaya, I don't have a care in the world for what people say. Who are those people? God, did not make me to impress people that I don't even know. Who are those people that you want to give them the right to comment on something that they don't even know about YOU??? The abaya has given me dignity, self respect and modesty of the highest quality. When I do my shopping, I do it in peace. A true man that is interested in me, will not see my abaya, but he would have the patience, the dignity to see my thoughts and my heart. And ladies, a guy who has that kind of patience to seek you for who you are and listens to the words that come out of your mouth is a real keeper.
In Saudi arabia, no man dares to say something fowl in public about a women. Even if he wanted to, how would he? He has never seen your body or even your face. Fathers and brother guard their sisters and daughters so that they don't fall into the trap of being the sick fantasy of strange men. Strange men that can only do harm and no good. That is where it all begins at home. If a father concerns himself to guard his daughter, to treat her with absolute love and tenderness and sets the bar of quality of who she is, then this can only help her with self confidence, self esteem and self respect. He has given her the power to always put herself first and to honor herself and her God.
What is surprising is that many media outlets run to the middle east to "find" someone that will disagree with the abaya and then run back to their countries and say "you see, this abaya story is very oppressive. However, they keep running into a thick wall, because women on this side understands it, women on this side embrace it. I embrace it myself.

The second important thing about the abaya is that it always keeps you ready for worship and prayer. When you hear the azan and  it is time for salat (prayer), you don't have to scatter about trying to find a cover for the arms and and a cover for the legs. The abaya is great to always be ready for prayer and to do the prayer comfortably without having to overstretch in denims.

Thirdly, the abaya is only worn outside the house or at places where men and women are together e.g shopping centres and the streets. However, at school where there are only girls, we take it off. It is nice, the women dress to impress other women, women enjoy it and there is less pressure of anything. When I am home or at school I am free to wear my normal clothes, and often other women have quick compliments about a new dress that was bought or a change in style. There is not "you have a sexy ass" comment, but more of a "how gorgeous you look today". This is the place where women dress so well that they get hooked up for MARRIAGE!! In a club or a bar you get dressed to get hooked up for a one night stand!

If society could be more considered to all women, maybe just maybe our daughters will spend less time crying at night about the body God gave them. Girls would not have jaded self images of themselves and they could work in peace and comfort. Most of all we would have equal respect for both men and women. I have never seen a man dressing less on his way to work or on his way to a club.........yes, think about it. Isn't it weird that a guy is not expected to come to work with only a t-shirt. A guy is not expect to come to work with the shortest trousers? A guy is not expected to expose his chest? And the worst of it all is that he STILL gets promoted! He still gets the 'hottest" girl in the club for doing absolutely NOTHING!! So, why is it expected from a woman? Yes, got it! Think about it! Beauty is not associated with what is open to the eye, beauty is more real when it hidden from the eye.