Big Girl, you are also beautiful!!!!

Mika is clearly the coolest dude on this earth. 

This topic has just came to my heart to write about, because I think it is something a lot of chicks, girls and women go through.

Isn't it enough that it is already killing most girls just be the prettiest, because we set up for judgement? The whole world runs on judgment all the time and women are caught up in that.

I'm pretty comfortable in my skin, always have and always will be. Not to mention whether I was big or small I have always been successful in everything I have set my mind on.
However not all ladies have the same level of confidence due to how they feel, how they look at themselves and what their loved ones say to them.

I was lucky to have attended an all girls' high school where there were girls from all walks of life. I mean, my school was pretty cool .We had ALL  girls!! As much as it might sound like we did pillow fights in our pajamas, that was not quite the case.

The one thing that most girls struggled with in high school was  the self image problem. Self image problems that even led them to deadly eating disorders like anorexia or bulimia  I was thinking to myself how did this happen? How could someone feel so low about themselves that their self image is so distorted that they could actually harm themselves?  Also, I thought, maybe it is a phase and maybe eventually they will get over themselves, but that was not and is not the case.
The answer to my question is pretty much on every TV channel, every magazine you flip, every billboard you drive by, every store you shop in where a girl can't find her size. It is everywhere. However, I thought to myself  that social expectations can't be the leading cause of it. The problem starts with loved ones. The problem starts at home. If the people you live with, love and grow up with make you feel like every part of you is just one big damage then of course who wouldn't want to throw themselves down a bridge.
Loved ones include, friends,  family, wives, husbands and all the lot that you consider are in your inner circle   Nothing is more damaging to the heart than a loved one telling you "You are fat", or joking about how you look.
I am lucky, because I come from an African family and from South Africa. African people in SA will tell you that you look beautiful big and sick when you are skinny....that is just our social norm. That's why weight issues are not much of an issue back in South Africa for a lot of African girls. Even if you pick up a pound or 2, most guys will be like "hey sister, you are looking fine" or your aunt will say "it is about time you get some meat on that body of yours".
The same thing I am experiencing with Saudi girls. Saudi girls are so chilled out. They never talk about weight, they don't necessarily care, because they will end up marrying anyways. So something as fickle as weight doesn't determine a girl's success nor her wish of getting married or being loved for who she is NOT what she is.

My argument is that loved ones need to be careful of what they say to those around them. Everyone gets on the wagon of "don't judge people", but as soon as we get to our loved ones or when we know we can get away with saying whatever, we literally sink so deep and tell them they are fat, they are ugly, they have big this and big that.  You have no idea how your words can affect that person.

From my personal story. At some point in my life I was a big girl. I have always been a big girl. Luckily my personality, my drive never stopped me from being the best person I can be for myself.  Emphasis on "for myself". No one really focused on my weight. African people don't roll like that. I was in Canada weighing 75kg and no one even bat an eye lid. So, clearly there was more to me than my weight.


When I got to Saudi Arabia, I realized that I had all the time in the world. So I decided to start a small exercise program for myself.  I jogged for 20 minutes every day, skipped the rope, did some yoga and changed to a diet that suited my body. In about 2 months I dropped 9 kg. I have always enjoyed sports and exercises, so it was easy for me to do it. No one held my hand, no one encouraged me, no told me "good job girl". I did it all by myself and by the strength from the Lord above.
When my mama saw me she was a bit shocked. Her first response was "are you okay, is there anything eating you up inside? Are you sick?" That is an African mama alright :)  However, my family never placed the emphasis on my weight, whether I was big or small. It didn't matter for them.

Then I decided to go on a different diet, the Atkins diet, which works like a bomb. Lost 7 kg in one month. Awesome stuff. Once again I did it BY MYSELF. I didn't do it to be the prettiest or  to be the skinniest  I did it just to see whether it worked or not.....and it did.  Once again, no one stood by my side, no one saw the hard work , no one was my biggest fan. It was all me!
So, when someone does comment on my weight whether good or bad, I don't appreciate it, because I figure that you weren't there and didn't go through it with me, so why are you talking?

It is funny, because I am the kind of person that doesn't judge physical appearances at all. Big person, small person, light person, dark person..that doesn't matter in my books. Clearly being married to a Turks should speak volumes of how little I care about outside appearances. He is white, I am black.....so I really don't care. I judge you for what comes out of your mouth, for what is in your mouth already exists in your head and heart. In addition,  if you are the kind of person that puts pressure on others about their appearance, then maybe you need to start asking yourself why aren't you on the front cover of Vogue or why aren't you on Men's Health. Besides mountains don't bow down for you and sure as hell,  the earth doesn't crack for you. So,  as far as I am concerned you aren't anything special.  Yes, I can be one mean bitch if I want to be and I only dish this out to people who go around judging others.

If people love you only because you are pretty and look skinny, then you should take a step back and analyse this situation. Play a bad joke on them and pick up the pounds to see if they will stick around. People should love you for you, they should miss being around you, because your personality lights up the room. Your loved ones should be loving you just the way you are. Even if you decide to lose weight or pick up weight. Then they should standing by your side on the decision YOU made, not a decision that was made for you by what they think .

Also girls, I know some of you feel "will I ever be loved, because I don't look nice, skinny" and all that bull crap. My answer is YES!! I have walked different walks of life and you will be just fine. If your loved ones all of a sudden start putting sanctions on you,  they wants you to wear your hair like this, to weight this much, to dress like that....ditch that person!! Remove yourself from that negative energy. If he has such a big problem with how you look tell him to go pray about it and not talk to you about it, because God made you this way with this hair, with those stunning eyes, with that gorgeous smile.

Also girls, the love for one self starts with one self. Don't wait for someone to validate you or show you how amazing you are. Show yourself how amazing you are. Never ever give people the opportunity to even evaluate you. Even if they do, don't let it ever affect you.  God created us all in His way and by His leave. Start to embrace the beautiful things about yourself.  If you have beautiful eyes, love it, appreciate it and be grateful for it. If you have long legs, appreciate it and be grateful for it.  The bad news is that you will 99% never look like Salma Hayek or Jennifer Lopez. The good news is that you DON'T have to be like that. You can just be you. Because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!

I realized this only a few weeks ago when I saw how Saudi girls are so chilled out. I mean, big girl, small girl, they are so chilled out. Their families do not bother them about how they look, they probably bother them about WHO they are, what kind of person they should be.
I am so sick and tired of hearing girls cry, complain, not eating, not sleeping, because they are busy exercising their lungs out. Why? No, because her mother said she is too fat, or no, her boyfriend told her she needs to change this and that.  My questions is.... WHO ARE YOU? Who are you to put sanctions and pressures on people? Did you check yourself in the mirror and I am sure you didn't get a second to look, because the mirror cracked.
I'm all for girls being left in peace and quiet. I am all for girls to be  judged for WHO they are and NOT what they look like, what they are dreaming of and what they want to become in life.  No wonder in Saudi, girls are wearing abayas! It is a form of protection. It doesn't just protect her modesty, it protects society from judging her, putting pressure on her and making her feel that she is a piece of meat.

This might look like a prison in your western eyes. But this complete freedom!
I love the abaya. However, it came also be useless if the people you love still judge
for all the wrong reasons.

Besides I have NEVER seen an artist paint a skinny girl....clearly the paint brush can't even be that thin.  So, don't let people bully you whether you are big or small, skinny or voluptuous. Always be you. The most beautiful thing you can be is to be yourself.