Women Talk and Men Fix.

I have to say that it has been a real while since I wrote on my blog. Well, It has been a while, because I GOT MARRIED!! Finally, the search is over, finally the days of waiting for that Knight on his horse to  sweep me away has FINALLY swept me off my feet. Can I get an AMEEN for that!! 

So, I have been preoccupied with being exceptionally happy, being at peace and enjoying my first steps in to a life of marriage. BOOM!! 

It has been a week full of drama in the woman world and all kinds of things that started making me think how different women are from men. I mean, men are from Mars and women are from Venus and it is a fact. I even saw how different me and my brother are and how we both react differently to different situations. 

One thing that has come to my attention is that women talk and men fix.  As simple as this analogy sounds, it is often the very situation that brings so much confusion, it  is harder to understand than doing a science equation. 

When women talk we just talk. When men hear us talk they think they need to fix what ever we are talking about.  However, it is not as simple as it sound.  Men don't understand or often misinterpret that women talk, because they complain. Their talking is all about complaining about things. So, their (men)  immediate instinct is to fix what we are complaining about and at the same time they feel that we are not  appreciative of their fixing or whatever they are doing for us. 

So, lets clear some things.  Women talk. Unlike men, women talk and we are comfortable talking about anything that bothers us. Since we got our first period, we have been talking. Since we had to get bras and had acne on our faces we have been talking. Women talk, because we can't inhibit our  thoughts to ourselves for ever. All women can agree that the amount of changes that happen in our lives, give us so much reason to over think, to go online and do research and the best of all, to organize  tea parties with our friends and  talk.  Also, I am sure men would be happy to hear that our talking doesn't mean we are complaining. Most times when we talk, we just need you to listen....NOT fix, just listen to us. As far as I remember my mom talked more than my dad. My dad  mostly nodded and used words like"ok" and "alright". It was enough for my mom. 

It is just in our fibre and DNA to talk about whatever is going on in our heads. As much as we have the ability to multitask like professionals, with that multitasking we have brains that often over work with worry, ideas, new ideas, issues and so on.

A woman has to grow up,to be a daughter and also to be an amazing student. While being that amazing student she often dreams of getting married and also having a fabulous job. When she does get married and has her amazing fabulous job, soon she has little babies to burp, change their nappies, cook for , clean for, talk to and raise to become good members of society. We are doing this while being married and having fabulous jobs. So, who can't find any reason to talk about what is going on in our heads?  Sometimes we need someone to listen, not fix,  just listen. I can assure you most women carry enough Cleanex tissues in their bags to make sure to have some for any woman who has something heavy on her heart, or feel that she is not being good enough or feel that she is overwhelmed with everything. Most Cleanex tissues are for us too.

So do you boys understand why we have a need to talk. Besides you want the woman to raise your child to have the best talking skills so that by the age of one you can call your child a genius. 

As for men. Men have this amazing ability to fix a situation. Why? Because you are programmed like that. Your role in life is to provide, to give a  home and to protect. So when you see that the door of your house is broken, your immediate instinct is to fix it, before someone comes in and harms your family. When you see that the car's tire is flat, you have immediate reaction to get it fixed so that you can drive your wife to work and your kids to school. Perfectly normal. We love the fact you want to fix and often CAN fix things. However, things get a bit tricky. For example, how to fix  her sad emotions, her broken heart, her stress and whatever she is talking about. The good news is, she will let you know when you have to fix anything like that.  The other good news is that she will let you know when NOT to fix anything. Most times, she doesn't want you to fix anything in her head, she only needs you to listen to her. To hold her tightly and to assure her everything will be okay. However, you often don't know what to do when she has troubles with her emotions, so you end up not listening and then she complains that you aren't listening to her 

So why do we often misunderstand each on this topic? Well, when women talk, men often see it as an alarm to fix. When they think they have given you a home, clothing, food and other good things and when we still talk, they assume we don't appreciate it.  So the keyword for men is APPRECIATION.  Even though we are not complaining, it might come across as a complaint, because the poor dude' first instinct is to FIX. So, when they have given us all we wanted and we still talk, they feel they are not being appreciated. 

So the answer to this problem is showing signs of appreciation. Maybe before we talk ladies, we need to start off by saying "I am so happy with everything you have done for me, you are an amazing guy. I just sometimes feel so overwhelmed being so far from my family, or having a job and taking care of these kids make me feel so overwhelmed."   This sounds a whole lot better than "I work too much, I am always alone raising these kids. I am so far from my family. You always come home so late." 

So, we need to be careful on how we express ourselves to avoid confusion.  

That's why it is always important to talk with words of kindness and affection even if we have issues. It doesn't help adding fuel to fire by using harsh words, swearing and losing our minds over something. We have confirmed that most men do have "selective" hearing. So, if we talk carelessly and mindlessly, they already shut down and feels not appreciated. And we ladies, feel like they are not listening to our dying hearts. 

Let's face it men don't have tea parties where they talk about their babies'  first burp, and we women don't walk around with a tool box trying to fix things. So it can be a hard place to finally meet and agree on things, but there is a place to meet each others needs.  We just got to practice appreciation, learn to correct our speech and to listen to one another, even if it is just for the sake of listening.