What does Friendship mean ??

I have always been incredibily jealous of how men have very uncomplicated friendships. No fuss, no strange strings attached or detached.
I realized what the difference was between women and men friendships. Men never take it too far, where as ladies we often just drift into the dream. We even want our  friends to be the god parents of our kids.
I think good friendships need that line, that distance not be crossed in order for it to survive. You all know the saying that says "Distance makes the heart grow fonder"...yes, exactly that.

The first rule that people need to understand about friendship is that it is just that....friendship. A person you go out of your house to visit and have coffee with and then you return to your house. Yes, FRIENDS should not stay together. That is a complete no-go area. Don't ever stay with your best friend. It might sound like the best idea in the world...sorry to break it to you,  but it is a nightmare. I am not speaking in vain. I know this rule is the best rule ever.
Remember, your friend is there for a reason. It is someone who is not your family, so you don't have to be stuck with them forever. Also the best part of your friend is that they can only deal with the fluff of your life. You never take them into deep, before they freak out.
Also remember, you often compose yourself to a level before you run to your friend and complain to them about whatever has been bugging you. So staying with your friend will do the complete opposite.
They see your good, your bad and your ugly. Staying with your friend also eliminates the boundaries of what was once there. The boundary of privacy, the boundary of wanting to leave if they piss you off. The boundary of not having to deal with their crap as much. The important boundary is what to is allowed to be said.
I think there is nothing more hurtful than a friend that says something so bad that makes you go crazy. The worst part about that is  if you live with that friend and you can't even go away to blow off steam or to throw your dishes against the wall of madness. You are stuck right there. No place to go.

Women can be very mean in friendship sometimes. There is always the underline of jealousy that start out being innocent and then it turns into a very vile situation. I saw that and therefore I don't have close girl friends. Not because I planned it, no. It just happened that the people I get along with, people that I can get deep with at a certain point are all men....well, good Muslim brothers.
They seem to know how to give the best advice about everything. When I am ready to pull my hair out of anger, they know how to get me not to not pull my hair out. They are never judgmental on things that can't be changed (looks, beauty, appearance). They are not judgmental but helpful.
For example, I told a close friend here at the compound that I needed to lose weight and to be healthy again.
He was never judgmental, he actually just said, "ok come and exercise at the gym and I will help you. "
Just like that, he was being a friend by helping out and not cussing out. He didn't get too deep about it. No fuss no strings, just straight forward. I remember when I told one girl friend of mine that I needed to lose weight. She first cussed my ass out about how did I let myself go and then she offered her help. After that I went and bought myself a pizza. I remember another girlfriend of mine who wanted to fall in love and got cussed out "well girl how are going to get a man if you look like that"? When that girl finally looked beautiful and found herself a wonderful man, the others were sick of jealousy!!!! You see what I am getting to!


I sometimes think that our friendships are complicated, because our anatomy is complicated. Is it that men are uncomplicated, because their brains are wired that way. They just straight lines and we see a muse of things?
However, my blog is about saving friendship and not breaking it. Living together is breaking it. Especially when the people involved speak their mind.

I have been able to live with many women and never had problems. I think the dynamics worked just fine, because I am a very quiet person,and that gives the balance if the other person is loud.  Also, it is not good to share everything with friends....boundaries and respect.  Don't tell each other what you think of each others' relationships or marriages. First of all , no one knows what passes between husband and wife and it is not for everyone to know. Secondly, that girl or boy decided to marry that person regardless of their faults. So ,she might be okay with his faults and you are not..but it is not your business.

Another reason for not living with a friend, the boundary of fairness gets a bit blurry. It is the same situation about couples that are not married living together and purchasing things together.  At a time it was nice buying thing together, cars, furniture , clothes ect together until the milk went sour. I will quote a Guy Richie movie "When the milk goes sour I am not the kind of cat to drink it." Nobody is! When things don't go well, the sense of fairness of splitting the bills and the chores goes bad. The one feels that she has put in a lot more effort into things and the other one has just surfed the wave. The one feels that she should get her money's worth and the other one feels that she is entitled to keep everything.
See my point!!!

I have seen many things in my time to the point where I am much happier living alone or if I had to live with someone it should be my family, really close friends or my husband. I like the idea of prepping myself up to go outside and meet my friends. I enjoy the time, the laughter the tears at a point and then it is time for me to return to my sanctuary....home. All my friends know how private I am about my family. Only a few have actually seen or met my mom or brother, and I want to keep it that way. I don't like friends mixing in too much in my family life. Once again...boundaries.The same it is for them. I know when to say "no" to some family dinner invite. I always make sure I go with another friend.
I have a handful of friends now, as in people I talk to on a regular basis. I love them enough to respect their time and their boundaries. I guess that is why I am always invited to parties and to dinners, because they know where the line is drawn.
How did I learn these boundaries? Well, the first time when I went overseas I stayed with a Canadian family. I learned that as much as I was a host sister, the emphasis was more on the "host" than the "sister". The second time I stayed with a Turkish family, and the same for them. I never mingled with their affairs. I never passed comments as to what the husband does right or wrong or what the mother should do.. it is their problem. The relationship was so good that I was considered one of their own. I have to give credit to my shyness. I get pretty shy when I am with families and that causes me to shut up most times.

The thing is that friends need is just that. a friend. Someone who they can depend on for advice and a helping hand. Not someone that will cuss out or cut them from their knees, when all they need is guidance.
We often need to reflect on ourselves if we are good friends. Even if you think that you are an amazing one, well ask your friends and see if they agree.

Reach for the stars - a story about my special student Aduh.

As a teacher you get to see the bad and the ugly, but also you get to see the most beautiful things. I want to share a beautiful story with you about a student that I admire and support.I will call her Aduh.

This is a real student that has really inspired me as a teacher. Most of all,  this student has been an example to all students for her absolute dedication and hard works regarding her life situation.

I remember the beginning of this year when I received my girls. On the first day of class I was looking into exciting and shy new faces. Some of these faces where also worried and some just quiet. I was lucky to have received group 3 and 4, because they are one of the best groups and they can speak English fairly well. I knew that my job will be easier to do. While the girls were introducing themselves to the rest of the class,  one girl stood  out. Her name was Aduh. She couldn't introduce herself, because she couldn't speak English. My first thought was "How did she end up here in group 3 and 4?" Little I knew that this girl was going to be admired by many teachers.

Unlike most girls, Aduh was older. Her face was darker, more rougher to the eyes. She had a classic Bedouin look. Very plain, natural and tough to the eye. Most of all that took me back was that she was very pregnant. 

She was 5 months pregnant and very plain. A lot of girls didn't talk to her, because they thought that she didn't know English and she was older. So, she was a loner and was a very quiet students.

One day after school, Aduh came to me and asked me in broken English. "Teacher, I study this home. Tomorrow I read for you." I took my glasses off and looked at her with admiration. She was pointing at the dialog we did today and all she wanted to do,  was to go and study for it so that she isn't embarrassed by reading it in class in front of all the other girls. I said to her "yes, Aduh, you can do that." I was really impressed by her own   impulse of learning. Like she said, she went home and studied the dialog. The next day she came to class and I asked her. "Aduh can you read Dialog 1 for us please." She got up from her seat, stood in class with a very pregnant belly and started reading. Even though it was slow, with a few struggles here and there, she still succeeded. I looked at her and asked "Aduh you did this all by yourself? Mashallah, good job." 

All the other girls were as shocked as I was. The quiet woman in class was a little gem. 

Aduh never missed a day of class. Even though she was very pregnant and looked like she was about to give birth at any moment, she still came to class. She never made excuses, never gave me or any other teacher problems about her attendance. She always used to come to class, greeted me with a lovely smile and sat at her usual place. She would never speak, always busy writing notes down and kept to herself. Not once, did she ever give me or any other teacher problems. I was curious about her. Her age, her quietness, her pregnancy spiked a tremendous admiration towards her. One afternoon, she came to me to ask for another reading practice. I finally got the opportunity to ask her "Aduh, how many months?" and I pointed to her stomach. She didn't know how to say it to me. So she just showed me with her fingers. 6 months! I asked her  "baby number 1?" She said "la (no). baby number 4." My eyes stretched open. I couldn't help myself and said "Bismillah Rahmanir Raheem, baby number 4????" She looked at me "yes teacher." I was shocked, surprised, curious and just dumb struck." How could this woman come to school with four babies and another one on the way? How did she do this? How did her husband say "Yes" to this idea? In broken English with some Arabic she told me that her husband brought her to school every day. He supported her to go to school and learn something. I was so happy about this. I said to her "May Allah reward and bless you Aduh for you are strong. May Allah reward your husband too for helping you to do something so good in your life. " 

From that day, I watched Aduh learn and grow into a wonderful lady. She was never superficial, never lame, always just coy, a loner and admirable. 

When the girls wrote their first quiz, I was very nervous about her. I didn't know how well she would perform, since her level of English was below the class average. However, she didn't make a fuss. She came to school, wrote a test and scored a 67%. Now, for a lot of you a 67% isn't a great mark. For me it was FANTASTIC!! I didn't think she would even reach 50%, but she even went higher. A lot of the girls actually failed that exam, because they take English for granted. As for Aduh, she worked so hard, studied hard, asked questions when she was confused and she shocked me.  A woman, who couldn't even put two sentences together, who had 4 kids at home and still carrying one in her belly, scored a good mark for her test! I told her that I was very proud of her and that I would support her the whole way.

Ever since, her confidence grew, she started answering questions in class and started to speak a little. Still till this day, she comes after class and asks me "teacher I study dialog home, I read tomorrow". 

During the mid-term exams she was very pregnant, almost about to pop at any day. When she didn't come for her Math exam, I knew that she was giving birth. However, two days later, she came to write her IT(Computer Science) exam. She still had bandages from her birth and couldn't even walk properly, but she still came. On this particular day, she was very stressed. The exams are in English and she couldn't understand the exam paper. She started crying quietly, because she was overwhelmed. I called the IT teacher to come quickly to explain the exam for her. IT teacher came and helped her to release some stress. While this was going on, I started crying myself. I thought to myself "This isn't fair.How is she suppose to do this? She just gave birth for crying out loud!" I remember just praying in my heart that Allah helps her to understand the tet. However, she did it with no fuss and no sweat. She finished her exam and went home. I  sat in my empty class and realized how much my students have taught me things that as a teacher you won't learn in university. 

When exams were over, Aduh didn't come to class for a week. I started stressing out. I didn't want this woman to give up. I wanted to see her succeed in what she was doing. She was doing a good thing. Soon, one of my students told me that Aduh was nursing her child and that she would be back the next week. I was pretty  relieved to hear this. On this day one of my students said to me "Teacher, you really like Aduh and all the other teacher do too." I looked at my girls and I told them to put their pens down and to close their books. I took of my glasses and shared something with them. I said to them "Ladies, I want to tell you something. You don't know how much as a teacher I care for each and every one of you. When I see you are worried, I get worried too. When I see you happy, I get happy too. As a teacher I have met many students. Good students and bad students, but I ALWAYS remember my students in a good way. Now, Aduh is a student that I want you to learn from. Look at her and learn from her. She isn't the same level as you in English and she knows that, but you know what? She is working hard every single day. She comes to school even pregnant, leaving 4 other children at home. Her husband brings her here, because she wants to learn. She never complains, she never makes problems. Even though this can be hard for her, she is always humble and ready to work. I admire her, because she carries more on her shoulders than what I can carry. I admire her, because she doesn't give up. I admire her, because she is herself and still learns. Ladies, educations is so important and Aduh understands that. I will say it again : Ladies, look at Aduh and learn from her character. She has an amazing character. Mashallah."  From that day, the girls started talking to her, they started learning with her. They also cheered her on and help her. This is what I like to see in my class, the strong helping the weaker ones.

Two days ago, the girls did their English exam and they had a speaking exam too. Aduh came, and she spoke beautifully. She used all the words she knew and she did a good job. Every day at the teachers room, the teachers are sharing their admiration of this young woman. While these teachers were talking, I was thinking of how the last day would be with Aduh. I was thinking, what can I say and give her to thank her for being a wonderful student and to encourage her to continue to be so good? These thoughts gave me tears and my heart was actually sore. For the first time I was crying over a student that I would lose. I told myself "This is the down side of being a teacher, saying goodbye to really good students," 

By far, I will never forget Aduh in my life. I will always remember her small eyes, a rough skin.scorched by the sun, her belly pregnant and her simplicity in life. I will never forget her humble nature and her overcoming difficult things. I will never forget the day she cried when the load on her shoulders was to heavy to carry. 

Most of all, I will never forget her silence that filled the class with comfort. 

I write about this young lady, because she is remarkable. She taught me things that I didn't even know. She has shown me what wisdom and strength is all about. She taught me that women are special, we can do things beyond our own imagination. She has proven the theory  "if you have a child you kiss education goodbye " wrong!!

I dedicate this blog to her. For she will reach the stars and even if she falls, it will be OK, she will fall between the stars and taste the pleasures of humility. She has made her world, regardless of how different or difficult it may be her oyster. 

Aduh I am sincerely proud of you for accomplishing so much.

Your teacher

Miss Zimkitha 

My journey to the holy city!- My first Umrah

The Ka'bah

This past week has been by far the most amazing week of my life. For the first time, in my Muslims life I got the chance to go to the Holy City Makkah and do my Ummrah.

I have been planning to go for a year, and finally did it. I was planning to go, but was absolutely scared,because I would be going alone and I know how crowded that place can be..Sabhan' Allah, it is crowded, people busy with their Lord.
I remember making du'a asking Allah to make it easy on me. It was my first time. I had to go and read and learn about how to do Ummrah, how to be in the sate of Ihram, which du'as to recite and Surah's to memorize. I was freaking out thinking, how will I do this all alone. Then one night on the bus I spoke to a Muslim brother, telling him that I am planning to go for Ummrah. Right there my prayer was answered! He was like "sister, I am going this following week, come with me."It felt like Allah took that heavy rock of worry off my shoulder.

I remember the night before we left, I decided to pack light. I only took a small backpack with not much in it but one day's of clothing and cleaning stuff. I couldn't wrap the idea around my head that I was finally going to see the Holy City. So, I was pretty stoked, shocked, nervous with an empty bag going to Makkah with a heart full of hope.

I washed myself, packed up and was ready to go. The flight was really good and soon we flew over the holy area. Now, as soon as the planes fly over the Holy City, the flight attendance usually notify those that are going to take Ummrah to commence their Al Talbiyah. This is where one enters the state of Ihram and announced Labayk Alluma Labayk.... (I am here Allah, I am here). When we landed, my Muslim brother had organised someone to pick us up and drive us to Makkah.
As we were driving, I kept reciting my Al Talbiyah and reciting some du'as that I could remember. We were driving in the middle of the night, so I couldn't see the road so clearly. However, as soon a I saw the big Qu'ran that formed a bridge over the road, my heart skipped a beat. I couldn't keep myself together and started crying. I couldn't famish in myself that I was actually going to be walking on the same path that Abraham (pbuh), Mohammed (pbuh) and other prophets walked on. This is the city that was mentioned in the Bible and that is mentioned in the Qu'ran. The place where all Muslims come together as one ro do acts of worships.Even the Muslim brother turned around and asked me "Zimmy are you ok?". I said a quiet "yes".

The dark shadows of the mountains fell on the well-lit roads. Everywhere was a message either saying "Allahu Akbar" or "Bismillah". As soon as we got to Makkah. We decided to do our ummrah immediately. It was about 2:00 in the morning. We arrived at the Masjid Al-Haram and my eyes were just glued to the beauty of this beloved Mosque. It is HUGE! I mean, it is just HUGE.

Masjid Al Haram at 2:00 in the morning

Even though it was 2:00 in the morning, it was still busy. Children running around, people walking in and out. As soon as we got inside I lowered my gaze. I walked in with a heart full of love and hope. As soon as my eyes laid on the Ka'bah, I think for a split second that I was about to just faint or something. This is what I looked forward to for the past years. I have heard of this place, seen pictures of it and now for the first time I was going to actually see it with my own eyes.
My Muslim brother was telling me, that one should start walking around the Kabah and as soon a you see the black stone you should say "Bismillah, Allahu Akbar three times" So we started walking. It was amazing to see so many different people doing the same thing. We could spot the Turks, cause they were all dressed the same and uttering Turkish. As soon as I saw the black stone ,I did my Bismillah Allahu Akbar three times and then burst into tears.
I was lucky enough to move closer and closer to the Kabah and finally got to touch it. I rested my head against it and prayed everything that was held up in my heart. Everything that I was worried about, about my family, about my future, about things I fear and things I love.
I would like to stress out that the Ka'bah and the Black Stone are not objects of worship. Muslims don't travel around the world to come and worship these things. The Ka'bah was build by Abraham (pbuh) and Ismael after Allah ordered Abraham to do so. It is a symbol of Muslims coming together in one place, in the middle of the world (scientifically Makkah is in the centre of the world) to worship Allah alone at this place. It is an opportunity for Muslims from different cultures, statuses and races to come together and worship and to see what those before us did in the name of Allah. The Blackstone and the Ka'bah Must not be worshiped or be seen as an idols, otherwise it would take us right out of Islam. It is only a given proof that Allah exists. Only by sight of what has been left for us, can we comprehend how these prophets had (pbut) faith in Allah.

 I was so overwhelmed that I felt numb. When we finished doing the Tawaf, I did the prayer of Ibrahim, drank some Zam Zam water and made my way to Mount Safaa. Now, mount Safa plays a significant role. You do a 7 round walk between Mount Safaa and Mount Marwa.

Sai- walking between Mount Safa and Marwa

The story goes a follows. When Abraham (pbuh) had Hagar, he sent her to the desert with his son Ismael. At that time Ismael was still suckling from his mother's breast. Hagar asked Abraham why did he send them away and into a place that was dry and was desolated. He didn't answer. She asked Him if Allah commanded him to do so. He said yes. She accepted this. Abraham (pbuh) left Hagar with a skin of water. She drank from the water and Ismael continued suckling. However, the water was up and Hagar got stressed out, since they had no water and the desert was a harsh place. So. She left Ismael under a tree and started looking around trying to see if there was someone who could help them. She ran between Mount Safaa and Mount Marwa 7 times trying to find water or trying to find someone to help them. The seventh time she ran up the mountain, she saw an angel in the distance. The Angel struck his wing or heel on rock/sand hill and water gushed out. Hagar got some water and replenished herself and continued to feed Ismael. From that day, that water is still running and it is called Zam Zam water. So, during Ummrah and Hajj, we have to do the Sai, walking 7 times between Mount Safaa and Marwa. When one reaches the hill top of these mountains, we should say Allahu Akbar three times and make a special dua and then make as many du'as as  one desires. You can pray about your family, job, children, marriage, happiness, health and wealth..as long as it is good.
After that men should shave their hair and women only cut a finger tip length of the hair and the Ummrah is completed. Alhamdulilah
When I was walking up and down the two mountains, I had my Qu'ran in my hand and the pages of Surah Al Baqarah opened up. It took me to the last part of this Surah where Allah says: (2:286 ) "Allah does not charge a soul except (with that within) its capacity. It will have (the consequences of ) what (good) it has gained, and it will bear (the consequences of) what (evil) it has earned. "Our Lord, does not impose blame upon us, if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to l bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people,"

While I was reading that I realised that Allah will never let you down. He will never give you more than you can handle. I read this and I looked at my life. Nothing has killed me. Nothing. Even during the times where I thought to just give up, I didn't. I held on so tightly to what I believe that I finally made my way to worship my Lord in the most beautiful mosque. That mosque is protected by the Mercy of the Almighty and it is a place of peace and I hope many Muslims get to see what I saw and to experience what I have experienced there.

When I finished my Ummrah and clipped my hair. I decided the following day I will make another Ummrah but on my own. And so I did. It was really the best thing ever. I enjoyed and appreciated every part of it. Most of all, I enjoyed coming to the place where we are all sent to go to. I appreciated circulating for my Lord.
I appreciated being among other Muslims from different cultures, creeds and backgrounds doing the same thing and worshiping one God. Alhamdulilah.

I was really blessed to see Makkah. The people there are so kind and speak words of kindness. It was nice, stepping into a taxi and the taxi driver saying "Bismillah" ,before taking off. It was nice hearing beautiful conversations. Most of all, Makkah is spectacular. The rocky mountains that surrounds the city, hotels being build on rock edges and mountains. The streets that were filled with boys riding their bikes, kidding around and enjoying their time together. The Saudis and the people there are different. They even look different. Everyone is relaxed and taking life as it comes.

Do you see how tall these hotels are???

In the morning when we were making our way back to the airport. I could see how the mountains rippled through the city. There were small Bedouin tents scattered all over. I love seeing that. I really do! I would see a shepherd herding his sheep and near the area there would be a steep hill. I also saw so many camels there. You all know how much I love that animal. That is the most beautiful animal ever.
On our way, the taxi driver was speaking about the signs of the time (Judgement Day). My Muslim brother translated it to me. He said that we are so near that time. One of the signs are seeing the mountains of Makkah being slaughtered like camels. Which is true. The beautiful mountains are being pounded down for new hotels to be built on. Tall sky scrapers being built and no one really knows why so high? Also, women not fearing (respecting) themselves anymore. Women not wearing their niqab or their hijabs anymore. It saddened me a little how much we are moving away from what was prescribed for us and those before us.

I took another look at the back window of the taxi to have one more glimpse of Makkah. It felt like home being there. Nothing was strange, nothing was unfamiliar. Everything fell into place and it was a remarkable experience.
I made an intention to go again...soon. Inshallah, I will go again and again. If I marry, I would love to go with my husband and my children and my mother and my brother (Inshallah they will also become a Muslim).
That is an experience its price unmeasured, its worth unknown and its hight can't be taken.

Praises be to Allah.

Why I became Muslim- in black and white

I have had many people asking me how did I become or decide to become a Muslim. I have been inspired by a close friend to write this article to show people how wonderful Allah is and how Allah can make us see the path of truth.

First of all I would like to let you know that I wasn't born Muslim. My mother belongs to the Church of England (Anglican) and my dad was part of the church of Israel.

I grew up with pretty much an open minded family and my mom tried to make us go to church, but me and my brother never felt up to it. 

When I was 14 years old I became a very strict and dedicated Christian. I went to Church, did Bible studies and ALMOST landed in the church band (well, I love singing).  However,  my severe shyness held me back and besides I take worshiping as something really private and didn't like the idea of standing in front of people singing my lungs out. 

When my father passed away when I was only 15, the hardest part of my life started. I remember always praying for strength and wisdom. 

As I grew up, I started moving away from the church that I was attending. First of all,  because, the jumping and the screaming that took place, really made me feel out of place and I also thought that worshiping the Lord, should be something more private and not loud and eruptive. 

I started not understanding what the Bible meant for various things. First of all the holy trinity. Why do we say 3 if we know that the Lord is 1? Abraham (pbuh), only praised One God, and so did Adam and Eve. Why are we praying 3? However, when I was still a Christian, I just believed it was a re-incarnation of 3. Many friends would ask why 3, and I wouldn't be able to answer them.

While I was in high school, I remember one of my friends asking me, what kind of man would I marry? For a strange reason I said "a Muslim dude". She asked me why, I said, because they seem to know what to do and how to do it. 

As strange as it sounded for them, the strangeness was even more surreal to me. I thought to myself "I am Christian, why on earth would I ever marry a Muslim?" 

There was something about my Muslim friends that I liked. They never looking for trouble, they always seem to be dedicated to their prayers, their fasting without making a fuss about it.

So, I maneuvered myelf to the internet and started reading. The first thing I read was that the Bible isn't authentic. How can the word of God not be authentic? It took me back a little bit. It took me so back that I started doing more and more research.

Muslims only worshiped one God. The God of who created Adam and Eve. This God didn't give the bigger blame to the other one. The same God who brought Jesus. The very Jesus I loved.  I did my researched and flipped through the Bible and even Jesus said "I was sent here by my Lord." Jesus spent his time praying and fasting. 

Another question that was really lingering in my mind was that "Was I worshiping an idol by wearing the cross?" Did God ever said we should commemorate the crucifixion? I knew the answer was no. 

Eventually I was so fed up with reading, that I decided to go to a moderate country that had a lot of Muslims in it...Turkey. 

I didn't know that Turkey would hold many treasures for me or even be the turning point for me to embrace Islam.

I remembered it so well. The first time I heard the Azan (Athan, call to prayer), it shuttered through me like something stroking my soul. I couldn't explain it to myself even. My eyes were amazed at the wonderful shapes of the mosque. Every day I would hear the Azan and I felt like I needed to do something. So, I would sit in my bed and pray. I wasn't sure what to say really. All knew was that I had to make decisions. 

To see how my host family lived, to have walked in their home and was accepted as one of their own was something that really shook me and felt beautiful.

One day, a friend of mine invited me to see his family. His family is pretty religious and welcomed me for a nice meal. The moment I saw the mom, she said to me "She will become Muslim." I didn't know what to do really, I kind of just sat there and nodded. She looked at me again and she said "When you do become Muslims, I think Zehra (Zahra) would be a good name for you." This lady, doesn't know how much she has changed my life. 

She gave me a beautiful clock, that had the KA'BAH on it and showed the different directions of prayers from around the world. I still have that clock in my room back in South Africa.

At the same time, I told myself " Lord, if You so willed, I shall become a Muslim. I shall become a worshiper of you.".

That night when I went home, I decided in my heart to be a Muslim. I was not sure how, I was nervous, freaked out and at the same time at peace. At peace with who I am and who my Creator is.

When I headed back home, I had a book that had all the fiqh in it to explain Islam. I read the Shahadah in my room and recited it with full conviction. I became a Muslim. Alhamdulilah.

From this very day, whenever I hear the Azan, the feeling that my soul possess could not be written in words. The pull of Allah's love and Mercy to me is something that I treasure and love. 

The first few months were hard being a Muslim. I couldn't tell my mom. She would flip. I couldn't. Eventually I decided to tell her. Her first reaction was "Piss off!!" It was painful to hear that, but at the same time I knew how she would feel about this. 

I asked Allah's guidance to show her that I am still her daughter and that I have changed in many good ways. 

For many months, I didn't pray. I did fast, but I didn't pray. Not, because my life was busy and hectic. No, because I didn't know how to pray.

I eventually called up a school in my area that teaches young children about Islam. I decided to join them. One woman called Zahra (I know, coincidence isn't it) helped me. She went through everything with me step by step. She said "Ramadan is coming and we should get you ready." I did the prayer with her. I started reciting a few verses and doing a few things, like saying Bismillah for everything good I am doing. 

Soon, I started praying every day and tried not missing a prayer.  I was so captivated by Islam and the reasons for our many celebrations, I even wrote my research paper for Sociology on Ramadan and the practices that take place during this holy month. I was invited by another family in South Africa, where I got to really observe Ramadan with them. I saw how the women prepared the meals, how they recited the Qur'an and how close the families were towards each other. 

Here comes the most amazing part. Every time when I was in my room praying my mom would always walk in on me or she would shout for me to come out and eat or something. When I didn't respond she would open my bedroom door and see me busy praying. I swear, not one day went by without my mom walking in on me. 

This lead to her believing that I have truly embraced Islam. My relationship with her, went from being difficult to being amazing. She is the apple of my eye. Till this day, she always tells me "Zimmy, don't stop praying."

I decided to give up my radio career, because in my heart it didn't feel halal. Everything about it was actually really bad. The lifestyle that came with it, was just not good for me. I also realised how soft I am as a person. I couldn't crack it in the radio world. It was too knifing, backstabbing, boastful, conceited for me to be in it. I decided to drop the radio world. Was it an easy decision? Easier than I thought. As soon a I let go of that world of media, my mind and body finally got to rest. Also, as soon as I let go of it, Allah reminded me of a passion I had since I was a child. Teaching. I love teaching. I really love standing in front of a classroom and teaching people new things and helping people. Guess what? My next adventure was me going to Saudi Arabia and being a teacher. Did I even imagine this when I was 13 years old?? Not at all. All I knew was that I was going to Saudi with Allah's blessings. Also this trip to Saudi led me to meet a really good friend, actually, he is my brother. We always kid about being twins, but honestly I was blessed meeting him, because he is one of the people that have made me realize my strengths. 

Since, I have been in Saudi, Alhamdulilah, keeping my life halal has been easy. It is a tremendous blessing. My job is halal, my house, my food, everything that was hard back in South Africa, became easier for me here. 

All the celebrations that were often lonely or sad back in South Africa, because I was the only Muslim in my family,  were easy and wonderful here. Allah has blessed me so much. My eyes have opened more since I have been here.

My eyes have been filled with tears with the love that I feel for my Lord every time I recite the Qu'ran and the loneliness has gone.

A lot of my Christian friends asked me "did I drop Jesus (pbuh)?" No, actually I love him more, because I know who he truly was. You can only love someone or something if you know them for who they really were. 

People ask me whether it has been a difficult or an easy road? I say, it has been a path, no path is ever straight. There are times where you find yourself in the middle of a cross road and wonder which way to go now. However, it is trust one puts in Allah to find the right path and to keep to it. 

I have had people mocking me, people making fun of me wearing my hijab, people talking behind my back, people cussing my family out, just because I embraced Islam. However, these people are still where they were...clearly they didn't move on. 

Even now, I have strengthened my faith so much that I have decided to never take my niqab off. Yet, people are still gossiping behind me, hissing at me...as if I am insulting them by choosing to live a very straight lifestyle.  However, it doesn't bother me, it doesn't bother me so much,  that I don't even notice anymore. 

As a Muslim sister, I still find myself to learn more in this life. I want to learn more and more each day. I am far from being perfect. That is why my Lord has put me in situations to test me. I remember the second time I went to Turkey to work. It was such a bad experience that I thought I was actually going to lose my mind. However, it was a test to see who I really was. If I am stuck in a bad situation, will I sell my soul? I looked at my situation of living in Turkey, not having money to buy food and I could have easily sold my body or did bad things, but I didn't. Actually it was the time my knees fell on the floor and my body was in prostration seeking Allah's help. Help came. Alhamdulilah. I look at how many people I have met, good and bad and realized what they have taught me, how they have strengthened me. Since I have been a Muslim, the tests and blessing have been in abundance. Most all the peace in my heart has been in abundance.

I would like to end of to remind people that I am still Zimmy. I am still that girl that enjoys a good laugh, enjoys the beautiful things of life.I still enjoy cooking, singing, eating and cracking a joke now-and-again. I am still the daughter of Jessie and Benson and the sister of Eugene, and still shy about things. :) Some people think that I changed myself too. I changed my faith, changed how I use to see the world and cut out the bad things. 

I am dedicating this blog entry to those that have become Muslims and are struggling with their families. I also dedicate this to a close friend of mine who has just embraced Islam. May Allah draw you nearer to Him.

Ma Salam

Hot of the press! Women and cars in Saudi....what is the big deal??

Ok, so everyone heard about Saudi fatwa and high rank religious scholars discouraging women to drive in Saudi.   As I have anticipated there would be a lot of negativity about it in on various social sites.

I would like to bring light to the matter since I am a woman (that helps) and the fact that I have lived in Saudi.

First of all, we need to consider the social setting, the cultural setting and the religious responsibility Saudi Arabia has.It would also come in handy to tell you about how bad the road situation is in Saudi and why I would not even attempt to drive on it, whether man or woman.

Now, Saudi is a very culturally bound and religious bound country. It operates by religious law (shari'ah). It has a responsibility by uplifting the law, protecting the people and also protecting the most vulnerable, which are women and children.
A woman not driving in Saudi is not an issue as much as the Western propaganda tries to make it out to be. I am a woman and I don't drive and YET, I still get to where I need to be without any hassle. The big difference is, is that I am ALWAYS safe and never fall in the hands of strangers who can do harm to me.
The tradition of women not driving comes from back in the days where women never travelled alone. Even for Hajj it is better or even a must for a woman to do it with her husband. Why? Well, have you seen how crowded hajj can be and a woman can be injured or even be stepped on??
It also states in both hadith and Qu'ran is better for a woman to be escorted by her male relatives. There was a reason for this and this reason is still very much alive today.
In the modern times in the West women can drive, Mashallah. Women can just about go anywhere without her husband. However, with all of this women get raped, women get killed, women get assaulted, women get cursed on the road, women get to pay more for things just because people think they are weaker. And guess what is the solution they give us women in the western world......PEPPER SPRAY!!! Yes, a dude is about to rape you, just whip out your pepper spray and it will be alright!!  Women face danger all day every day. In Saudi, that almost never happens. Why? I will tell you why? No man is more afraid than another man. No man has the guts to curse at a woman if her brother or husband is near. Chivalry is not dead after all huh!

People think that just because men alone drive in Saudi, they think men have it all in Saudi. What does it all mean really? First of all, do you understand the responsibility of having to drive people around? That means, if your wife is at home and she has to go to the hospital, that man has to drop whatever he is doing and attend to her! It also teaches a man to treat his wife and family with love and respect. If she has to go somewhere he will have to go with her. There isn't even a choice for the dude!! So, he will have to cut his football match that he is watching short to attend to her. It teaches men to really care for the women in the family.
Also, just because men can drive doesn't mean they get up to no good. There isn't much no good you can get up to in Saudi. Most boys will go to the desert and relax with their friends, while the ladies are at home.  At the desert there is no woman chilling on her own, so it decreases the chance of illegal sexual intercourse, spreading disease and having illigitimate children. So, a dude can only do so much by driving. Wow, what a previlidge.
Secondly, it is beter for women not to deal or talk to weird dudes on the road. Let's face it, there are a lot of weird dudes on the road. Also, it protect her from not having to be annoyed, or ending up to fend for herself when her car breaks down.  Nothing is more painful and sad when a woman's car breaks down and all she can do is sit there or having to pull her abaya up to get down and dirty with the wheels and oils.

So, everyone doesn't seem to find the link between virginity and driving. There is alot of link. Already it is hard for people to meet in forbidden meetings, because women are always accompanied. So, if women start driving this will open the gates of men not fearing women anymore, men saying bad things to women all the time on the road. It will also make it easier for men to meet women, where as it is difficult now. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying women are sinners and the only thing they will do is sin. However, it starts from simply allowing women to go on their own where things bad minded people will cause annoyance and everything will only go pear shape. She might go and meet a girlfriend, and that girlfriend might introduce her to bad ideas or strange men and then.....sin.  This will also cause women to get lost and get raped. If a woman gets lost and can't find herself anywhere and some man claims he will help her, he might end up raping her. This is not far fetched. This happens all the time in South Africa....that is why we have one of the highest rape statistics. When she gets raped, what happens then? No one wants to marry a woman with spoiled goods, then who will answer to her then???  The scholars have a point in saying that the virginity could decrease if such a thing is allowed. Also the woman here are extremely coy, they don't know most of the things that go on in the outside world, they wouldn't know how to deal with driving in Saudi. It works for Saudi, so what is everyone else's problem?
People make as out to be that driving is the best thing that can happen in your life....no it is not. Look, I don't drive and STILL got around back in South Africa and thank god I got out of the road. This doesn't make me any less or any more than another woman or a man. You all forget that not long ago, South Africa didn't allow  woman to do many things on their own.......so what is the difference here?

A woman does have many choices in Saudi. She has the choice to go to school or not. She has the right to marry or not. She has the choice of furthering her studies.....how do you think girl schools operate?  They are not forced to anything they don't want. They prefer to do their own things and to be beautiful. We don't even have time back home for ourselves, because we are too busy with the pressures of society!
Believe me, most Saudi women are not missing driving!! It is not like they had it and then lost it???
As for the woman who got in the car and drove off wasn't thinking! She put herself in danger, by having the police (men) arresting her, could have said bad things to her or even treated her with harshness.
Also we need to keep in mind, Saudi can decide for itself whether they are ready or not to let women drive. It should not be seen as oppressed, cause no one is oppressed in the matter. I think we need to respect the country for what it chooses. They don't mingle in our salad, so let's not toss theirs

I would also like to add, it is not an Islamic thing. Muslim women can drive. They drive all the time in Turkey, Oman, Syria, Jordan and everywhere else. So people shouldn't make it into "a muslim thing". It is a cultural thing.

I want to end this blog by saying that I don't appreciate some people calling Muslim women "ninjas". That is our way of being modest and as a Muslim I am proud of making my God happy. Your curses and comments are just a sign of your jealousy, because you have to sell yourself to the world and we don't need to.  Other Muslim women shouldn't get discouraged by people's words of what they have to say about our dresses and clothes. We are lucky that we will never marry a man in the club !! Nor will a man have the guts to pass bad comments to us. Be strong in your faith and Allah will never give us something more than we can carry!.

Ma salam