One of them said " Go for it! Marry him so that you can finally put your finger in the oil." and some wanted me to just be a charity case and a guinea pig, so that I can tell them exactly what it is like.
I said no to that proposal for various reasons. First of all, there is no ways I am just going to hand my rights over, because the rules of game are pretty different when you are not a Saudi. Second of all, I am just not down like that. I have a small philosophy in life, and that is not to get divorced. In this case, I can actually see that happen. Thirdly, I am way to strong for a Saudi boy from Al Jawf. I mean, come on! I can't even admit a losing battle to myself.
Besides all of this craze, I knew that it would be impossible for him to marry me, due to the fact that his beloved Saudi government has made it virtually impossible for Saudi guys to marry foreign women. Don't get me wrong, mixed marriage do happen, but at a very limited and controlled scale.
First of all there are too many marital issues in Saudi for their government to allow their men to go and marry foreign fruit.
I was shocked at how many single women there are in Saudi! Official data has shown that over 1.8 million women in Saudi are unmarried! It has been predicted that in 4 years time over 4 million women would be single. I can see the tears in these women's eyes.
Second of all, the divorce rate in Saudi is ridiculously high. Last year, out of the 60 000 marriages, 18 000 of the couples got divorced!! Shocking! Believe me, if you actually got to hear half of the reasons why most of them got divorced, it actually would be comical.
My brother once told me that "Sis, in Saudi, marriage is like a gamble, you never know what you are going to get". He was right! Clearly 18 000 of those couples didn't like what they got.
Due to these reasons of Saudi women not getting married, the law has curb the Saudi men's "enthusiasm" to get married to the foreign fantasies.
Well, I can't blame a Saudi guy if he wants to marry a foreign woman. Come on! It does not take an Einstein to figure out the reasons why some prefer to do this.
First of all, look at the social setting. A Saudi boy grows up never seeing women besides his family members. So, the deprivation of not seeing, not meeting, not knowing a woman in your own country can drive anyone to look at the opposite direction.
Most of Saudi boys decide to go and study abroad and for the first time they see the faces of a women, they get to work with women in universities and finally form some kind of friendships with them, realizing that it can be harmless (don't get me wrong, I am not encouraging things). Eventually from being scared and shy of women, they can form conversations with them and often good ones at that. Now, they spend 4 years studying abroad, that means 4 years of enjoying a very free life. For the first time, they can get the chance to make their own decisions regarding who people are and whether they want to encourage friendships or not regardless of the sex/gender. Through it all, by accident they fall in love with a girl. Of course for the girl, a Saudi guy is heaven. He does not make demands. He most certainly never had sex before and it all feels like a match in heaven. He realizes that he wants to marry her and wants to take her with him to his country. However ,the fairy tale does not go that way. Why? Well, he can't. He can try to give in his application to a government committee to marry this foreign girl. This process can take up to 3 months and after all of that, most of them are being denied. Not to mention, he is probably scared shit-less of his family, bringing this new ideology of marrying outside the culture, it can be something not digestible for his family. So his fairy tale comes to an end and he then decides to be difficult for the rest of live and decides not to marry anyone.
I think that is a sad reality most Saudi guys and women face. Why should people be conditioned to marry only their own kind? As far as I remember, our Prophet (PBUH), he got married to women from different tribes so that he can strengthen politics and the religion. To top it all of, people that asked him about marrying foreign people, He never said no. Actually it is in the Qu'ran where it says : 49:13 O mankind! We have created you from a single (pair) of male and female and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other"
So maybe, just maybe if the Saudi government allows its people to diversify, just maybe the statistics of single Saudi women won't look so bad.
It is even harder for a Saudi woman to marry a foreign man. If she decides to marry a man outside of Saudi, she stands the chance to lose her nationality. Further more, if she resides in Saudi, her children will be stripped from the social benefits that Saudi children enjoy.
The other big problem as to why Saudi women don't get married quickly enough or at all, it is due to the outrageous Mahr. If you don't want Mahr is, it is dowry or "bridal money". It is the gift that the groom gives to bride prior marriage according to his means.
The Mahr in Saudi is not less than SAR 60 000 and don't be shocked when it is over SAR 150 000. Since when did the trend start where women/families ask this much?
Let me give you an example of South Africa. When Muslims get married in South Africa, the women are so modest about it all that they sometimes can't even accept more than ZAR 10 000 ( SAR 5000). Sometimes she asks for something that is more worthy than money. Like " do you promise to give me an education?"
Putting the pressure of making a dude pay SAR 150 000 for mahr is like hanging him by his feet before the marriage even started. No man should be put under this kind of pressure. Let's refer to the Qu'ran again: "65;7 (Let the rich man spend according to his means, and the man whose resources are restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. Allah will grant after hardship ease "
My question is just this: "Why the burden?" Marriage is suppose to made easy for those that wish to get married. Why? The moment we make marriage hard for people, Satan will have a play field of making people believe that there is no reason for us to get married.
Maybe , just maybe if Saudi men can have an ease in getting married, just maybe, the statistic wouldn't be so astonishing to look at at.
I can also see how this kind of marriage system can make people extremely vain, proud and even prejudice. Think about it. This can make families believe that their daughters' worth are over SAR 150 000, but no one cares about her true worth. It can make her vain, which can cripple the marriage. Believe me dudes, you don't want to marry someone that is vain. She will keep reminding you that you are just not good enough. Also this can create prejudice between certain tribes. It has already done this. Some students boast to me that they don't want to marry anything else, but an Al-Rwaily ( a particular Saudi tribe)??? WTF????
I am at the age and maturity level that, as long as the dude is just NICE and has a job I AM HAPPY!!!.
So, it is not all that rosy in the land of Saudi regarding marriages and people meeting their soul mates. I think that people need to be given the freedom to choose whether they want to marry inside a country or not. It is not for anyone else to decide. The government will not be there when the idiot decides to flip a 360 degrees of hate towards you.
I thought to write this, because I don't agree with this mentality or practices. I think it is killing marriage for young Saudis that want to get married. It will decrease the population since women are not married and therefore won't be able to have children. Also, I think it will make Saudi men hate being in Saudi and move somewhere else where they can marry whomever they want according to their means.
Also, I think mixed marriages are the key to spread the genes, to improve relations between countries and most of all to strengthen Islam. Of course I encourage this within the rules of Islam. If a gentleman whether Saudi or not asks the parents to marry their daughter. They should not look at the size of his pocket nor at the tone of skin, but rather at his heart, his history and his intentions. Remember that man will be the father of your daughter's children and be a member of the family. I would rather have a kind, honest and gentle son in law than a rich rude boy who will destroy my daughter's hopes and dreams of a peaceful marriage.
After all it is "till death do we part" rather than "till money do we part".
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