Back in the desert-South Africa a reality shock!

So, I’m finally in Jouf and it is really good to be home. Yes, you are wondering why I am calling it home? Well Saudi just happens to be like a jealous lover, always making me long for it. I missed the quiet and the comfort of this country.

However, my holiday in South Africa was more eventful than I thought. I spend a great amount of time with my family, with my friends and met weird short people.

Before I left for South Africa, I couldn’t help but to freak myself out of the cultural shock that I might be experiencing. I was so worried, that I drew up a “Holiday spots” list of things to do for tourist. Even my brother was like “sis you are freaking out over nothing”.  Little I knew that South Africa would be an experience of saying “hello”, “it was nice to meet you” and now “goodbye”. While I was in the plane and the captain announcing that we have finally arrived in Cape Town, my little heart was beating so fast, I swear I was ready to turn around at the airport already. However, I was staring at the window while the plane was ascending. The beauty I saw of Cape Town was bewitching. The fresh green pleins, the small houses and the ocean so majestically boasting its beauty was more than heartwarming for me.  I told myself “you were born here, there is nothing to freak out about”. It was true, it was good to be home. My brother picked me up from the airport and there was so much to share on my trip home.

When I arrived at the door step of my mom’s house, It was really nice to be welcomed with love and longing. My mom spoiled my rotten while I stayed in South Africa. I mean spoiled me a lot.  I even got breakfast in-bed under her care. I think that it is always good to go away, because the home-coming is priceless.

I was very fortunate to spend half of my Ramadan in South Africa. However, the spirit was not the same. I got flashbacks of how hard it is to be Muslim person living in a non-Muslim world. It actually wears the soul out. However, Eid arrived and it was even more depressing!  I tried to keep the spirit up high by buying myself new clothes and buying gifts for my Muslim brothers and sisters.

One thing that made me and brother realize why we can only do South Africa for holiday was the “I am trying to survive” topic. I will let you in on this in more detail. If someone asks you “How are you doing today?” It is only very humane to be humble about life, even if life is either good or bad, and the best possible answer to give is “I am fine Alhamdulillah”. NOT “I am trying to survive!!”   Whenever I got that responds, in my head I was thinking “Are you for real?”.

The weather in South Africa was cold. The air was crisp and bit into our skins. However, it didn’t stop me from doing some shopping! One cultural shock that I did experience was “I can’t do this on my own anymore.” Saudi has spoiled me in ways I would never imagine. First of all, the fact that in Saudi I NEVER carried my own luggage. In South Africa I had to carry my own stuff! Secondly, skipping the shopping queues! I forgot that I was back in South Africa, the land of “every man looking out for himself”. I was standing in the queue and decided that this is just not working out for me. So, like I would do in Saudi, I just skipped to the front of the queue with my shopping trolley. One man tapped me on the shoulder and said “Girl friend! Girl friend! Back in the line!” This is not banana republic!”. I was half offended and I told him “But I am a woman.” He was even more offended and gave me that scanning look from my head to my toes “Hey sisi, back in the line.” So, I had to push my trolley back into the line like an injured puppy dog. I told myself again “I can’t do this on my own anymore.”

The second week of being in South Africa was more beautiful. The weather was just so nice to do things and my friends spoiled me rotten. I went to a media lunch with my friend and met some famous people. We ate gourmet foods at a beautiful hotel that over looked the Paarl and Stellenbosch mountains. The smell of fresh cut grass, the clinking of wine glasses and the buzz of fluffy conversations carried the mood. I remembered how I always wanted to live in a place where I can see the mountains. I realized why so many Europeans came to South Africa and never wanted to leave.  It’s beauty is unmatchable, the freedom is incomparable and most of all it is the soul child of Africa.

Another eye opener was the fact that there were so many traffic police in the streets. My friend, who was driving without a driver’s license tried to find various ways of escaping the police (also known as the POPO). Then something funny happened, her steering wheel was locked and therefore the car couldn’t ignite. For ten minutes we were struggling to get the car going. Eventually I said “dude, lets just get some man to come fix this problem.”. She looked at me and said “You and your Saudi mentality. This is South Africa, women can fix their own cars.”. That is when I realized again that I CAN’T DO THIS ON MY OWN AGAIN!!!!!!

Cape Town was alive, full of colours and different people. It was nice to see people enjoying the sun, because that means we will have a jam packed weekend. The clubs and bars were buzzing, girls wearing their shorter than short skirts with 6inch high heels and strutting their stuff! Students were walking barefoot in Stellies and painting the town red with their drunken songs and waving the South African flag.  Only in South Africa where you will find people becoming patriotic after heavy drinking!!

Me and my brother decided to go to our favourite place to chill out on a Friday night. Things clearly haven’t changed. There were the gay guys doing their thing. The black people clustering up with the scared expression on their faces, Emo kids wearing their skinny jeans and blondes dressing the same and screaming “hoooo” after every shot they drank. It is good to be young in Stellenbosch, but still I can’t do this on my own no more!

When I was packing my bags after an eventful time in South Africa, I was really pleased with my expectations and ready to get on the next plane back to Saudi. I and brother took some time out at the airport, and I told him that I even knew the Riyadh airport better than the Cape Town one. He looked at me with an un-impressed face “You only know the Riyadh airport, because there is no other way to go. There is only one way and organized chaos.”We had a good laugh at that. Soon I was in the plane on my way to Dubai. It was a beautiful flight, the sun was settling under the beds of the mountain and the ocean was glistering like a million diamonds floating on water. The mountains were a pale blue and sky was so clear. That is when I told myself that this is a goodbye.. for now.

As soon as I landed in Jeddah, I felt like home. The buildings were the way I knew them. Soon a Saudi gentleman was helping with my luggage. He organized a taxi for me to go to a hotel to take a rest before my flight that day.  When I arrived at the hotel, once again someone took care of my luggage; I just had to carry myself to my room. There was no tap on the shoulder anymore. It was feeling the way it was all suppose to be…normal.

When I arrived in Jouf late at night, I was welcomed by an overheating oven of a home, fresh dust on my door mat and the fresh smell of open air. The silence was surreal; I never felt such indifference.

It was good to see my friends back at the compound, everyone eager to share their stories and we all sang the same song “Saudi spoiled us”.

However, I sat on my bed and thought about it all long and hard. I have two homes now, one back home with my family and this one with my new family of friends. I have made peace with it all and realized no matter where God takes me or where the road goes, wherever I am, THAT will be my home.

Once again, I JUST CAN’T DO IT ON MY OWN ANYMORE J

Schools out!! The bell has rang for a vacation!

So the school year has come to an end and everyone is packing their bags and ready to go visit families or to just go for a chilled out weekend to a desired destination.
 I have to say , it was one big sigh of finishing off and finally letting my last batch of students for this year go.
As I have mentioned before in one of my blogs that teaching is not always just about giving information and having students to learn from you. The most amazing value one learns is that even a teacher never stops learning.. ever!
I remember the first time I walked into my first class and how overwhelmed I was with nerves and not knowing whether I will be a good teacher or not, not knowing whether this group will be okay or not. However, stepping into a classroom filled with eager students was like stepping into a relationship.
The most amazing things that these girls have taught was to take life easy. Coming from a very fastlane background, working for 4 different jobs and still trying to see family and to still enjoy life was daunting. For the first time, I got to appreciate life for what it is. I got to go home and do nothing. That was the biggest shock.... to relax. To be a woman, not needing to prove anything to anyone, no need to be impressive, but just to be a teacher and a woman. I can honestly say my students have shaped my expectations into a sculpture of life that I never knew could be accomplished.

When we were done with marking, loading up the marks and finally signing off, I went to my class and sat down. It was empty with chairs still in their examination positions. I could see their faces and feel the daily class atmosphere even though they weren't there. I do this ritual of sitting in an empty class after finishing off the year to reflect the good and bad and the ugly. To my amazement, there was more good than bad that I have learned this year. One of the good things was "students appreciate you" ,even though they sometimes don't show it, or when they hiss at you or even when they pretend that they don't see, believe me they appreciate you.
Secondly "students will not always be students". They grow in front of your eyes, they learn and they anticipate their lives with you. The best part is to hear their dreams of becoming great women of our era and to be good nurturers for their children. Also, a great dream doesn't need to be an architect, or a doctor or even an engineer. No those kinds of things don't define great dreams. Great dreams are things we truly believe we can do and set in this world to do, even if it means to be a mother, or a good wife one or even just a good person in this life. So, I learned a lot my from my girls. I wish them well and I really hope they will not forget their young days of just being girls! Bonn voyage young ladies!
So, school was out, done and dusted. It was time for me to pack and to say goodbye to all the good teachers that have also played an important role during this summer school.
As I was packing, I started freaking out as to how I would be in South Africa this time. I realized that I have changed so much, and my environment has had a great impact on me. I like the person that I have changed to, I have learned to live by rules and laws of my religion and for the first time I am going back to S.A, where those rules and laws will only depend on me. I was freaking out of how will I manage doing everything on my own and travelling on my own, because I have not done that for so long. Even when I was going to Turkey, I was never on my own. I was driven around by a friend and being taken care of by my Turkish family.
I almost decided not to go to South Africa. However, I have to go. I must see my family and friends. Most of all I must see myself back  where I was born.

It will be an experience being in South Africa, where the earth is green and lush with flowers and trees. Where the earth doesn't scorch as much as it does in the dessert. Where freedom was fought for by the youth. However this time I have decided to be a tourist in my country. The cultural shock of being back and not fitting in anymore will be a reality. A good one at that.
However, Saudi has become my home. It is my home in so many ways. It is my home in a spiritual level, mental level and even the physical level. My religion lives here, it is not a struggle as it used to be back home. The way life is here has become part of my life. I enjoy walking around in my abaya and niqab and I enjoy the moral level of this country. Most of all I am safe and sound here. Life moves on here, even if it is silent sometimes. I have done a lot of growing up here.
So, I will enjoy S.A for what it is and to be around people I love and appreciate with all of my heart. However, I will come back to my Saudi to live my life and to really enjoy the person that I am!.

Tribute to the Women of South Africa

Unfortunately I missed the day of Women's Day in South Africa. I only discovered that it was Women's Day through Facebook statuses. I was actually impressed how many women congratulating each other on this Wonderful day.

So, my tribute to Women's Day is to all the Mothers, Sisters and Wives of our nation that face adversities day by day and still have the inner power to go on and keep their families together. Against all odds you still shine and nurture.
So, instead of me blabbing in this blog post. I want to dedicate a poem I wrote bout 5 years ago.

Sweet Woman Sweet mother

Her skin is the first you touch when you enter this world.

She women's up from the days that she is only a girl.

Her pearls are hidden in her eyes and behind her heart

Spoken words of love is our shield, her face is our guard.

In her essence of being and to be ominous in our lives

Her glow of happiness could light up your night.

Even though her years may tire her, may wear her off

Somehow she still goes on and carries on to give love.

Her perfume that often stays behind long after she said goodbye

Hating to leave her babies behind drowning in their cries.

She had the strength to pick up your tiny body until now

Even older now, she still picks us up when we are down

Her touch is untainted, unique sweet thunder caress

The sense...... intense..........endless.

Sweet woman, sweet mother. 

you are endless, from daughter to mother.

you are endless. from girl to woman

you are endless, your caress, intenssseeee, an incensssee in me. 

Riyadh- city of lights and marriage!

So, I escaped for a weekend to the big city and do what big girls do........enjoy a good weekend away.
I was lucky to have gotten some time out of Jouf. Every fibre of who I am was aching to "get out" for a minute and to get some fresh air to breath.
I spend 2 and a half exciting days in Riyadh with a relative of mine.  I haven't seen this relative since the time I left South Africa, and we promised each other that it isn't a "goodbye", but a "see you soon brother/sister". We didn't realise that soon would elongate to 8 months later. However, without counting the days and months, it was still awesome to see him and to get that bit of South Africa he brought with him.

When I arrived at the airport, I thought it will be tricky, as to how will he notice me, since I looked like all the other ladies..heavily veiled. I quickly sent him a message saying "I am the one in the black and blue abaya", and he just replied "I am the one in the white thoab".  Jokes aside, I was freaking out on how he would recognise me. Then suddenly I had flashback of how the girls do it when their brothers pick them up from school. THEY go to the car. So, I had to really strain my eyes to find him in the mush of white thoabs. Finally, I saw him, but I recognized him from the walk, rather the face. I know that walk. I lured behind him and said "Selaam brother". He turned around and was shocked to see the girl that used to wear a mini-skirt back in South Africa was fully veiled, no skin showing. I am sure for a second he wasn't sure to say "Sis is that you under there".
Oh it was awesome to have a little bit of home in Saudi through a close friend. It was as if , we relived who we were back in Stellenbosch.
We quickly got into the car and all of a sudden the Riyadh wave slit my face side ways. Riyadh is much hotter that Skakah. We drove around trying to find a good place for me to stay in for the weekend. Now, I am pretty much spontanous, never-book-beforehand-kinde-girl, but that was a bad idea. So, ladies, if you are planning to go to Riyadh, make sure that you some research of hotels/b&b/inn carefully, because some of them do not take in single women. However, we were very lucky to have found a nice spot for me somewhere in Riyadh.
Soon the weekend began. All I knew that for this weekend I did not want anything that I have had in Skakah. First on the "do not try list" was CURRY!!!. I think I am officially done with this dish. I have had it in all shapes and tastes and my palate is screaming abuse....so does my stomach lining.  Secondly no pizza, no take out nothing of that sort. It was a weekend to explore and to really taste the Saudi culture.
Little I know, my dear relative had planned some things already. First of all we went to a nice Lebanese restuarant. The food was really delicious, the vegetables were clean and the setting was nice. It was the first time to sit and actually talk. For the first time he could see my face since 8 months ago.  It was a real shocker to myself too. Shocker that I have indeed changed a lot. Everytime the water would come to bring the food, my instinct would shoot up and I would grap my scarf and drape it over my face. When he saw that, he made sure that he got the food at the little doors. Now, if you are reading this and maybe this is confusing. In Saudi most restuarants have two entrances; one called a "single section",which is often for single guys only. two: family section, which is for families and women with their husbands or relatives. In the family section area the table are often placed in an enclosed are where there are doors to give the family more privacy, so the dining table and chairs have all a wall build around them with doors. In the beginning I thought it was a pretty cold gesture. I am from  South Africa,where everything is open and people often invades ones space. I first found this whole privacy thing as very unfriendly and non welcoming.
However this time, I enjoyed every bit of it. I love the privacy. The privacy to let my hair down a little, to eat in peace and quiet without someone seeing me put the food in my mouth. The privacy of your family sharing a good dinner together.
Next to us, was another family sitting in their own little room. I couldn't hear the mom and dad having a conversation. However, the kids were playing. That is what restaurants are for these children, a play ground with forks and knives.
We ate our delicious meal and decided to go for a nice drive before heading to a coffee shop. We drove all around Riyadh. In my head people say Paris is the city of blinding lights. Well I saw, Riyadh is the city of bursting lights. Everywhere was glittering and the building that were made of glass were shining beautifully in the velvet of the night.  It was way over midnight, and yet the high ways of Riyadh were full. The traffic isn't any better than in Skakah, but the most amazing thing in this country is that; No matter how bad you drive, no one gets angry. South African can take a note or two from this, since we suffer from extreme road-rage.
We ended up at a nice coffee shop and sat down for a while. It was really nice, peaceful and comfortable. The best thing me and my relative do is talk about everything. We can talk about a topic until the topic has holes in it. I told him about my skin paranoia, and he agreed that I was officially losing my mind and that I had no skin problems.
We then went to drive for 2 hours on the road. It was nice. Riyadh is massive, and the roads are endless. Endless to drive on them for hours and to let the city be your muse. I got back to my room at about 3:20.
The next day we did proper Saudi things. First of all ,we went to a nice Saudi restuarant.
It had the most beautiful decorations with its colourful wooden window locks. It had the most awesome carpets and drapes of tapestry all over. We picked a nice dining room for us to sit in. As we entered our room, we took our shoes off at the entrance. Like traditional saudis, we sat on the floor on comfortable cushions with beautiful decorated scattered cushions about. The room was dark and cool. There were traditional ornament of the Saudi culture from back in the days. Then for the first time since I came to this landof milk and honey, I tasted REAL Kabsah! Not the strange grilled chicken that is burned. No, this was proper meat Kabsah with a deliciously flavoured rice. On the side we had Jareesh. Now, Jareesh can be confusing to those who have never tried it. Jareesh is similar to bulgur. The only difference is that bulgur is cracked wheat, whereas Jareesh is the whole wheat-berry. It is prepared in a special way,which makes it have a very creamy consistency which tastes lovely with lamb.  Actually I did some research on it, and Turks use it in some of their soups. However, this grain Jareesh tastes absolutely delicious. I almost forgot about the KABSA as I was diving into the Jareesh. The true Saudi experience is when I had to eat with the hand.

Now, I am straight from Africa, so eating with the hand is not a new thing for me. However, we don't ear rice with the hand, only larger objects...like meat...and corn.
He explained it to me step-by-step how one eats with the hand. First, you grab a relative amount of rice  and let it sit in the middle of your hand. Gather it into a 'ball" shape in your hand so that it is neatly stacked. Then, take your entire hand near your mouth, slip your tongue underneath the rice and scoop it up into your mouth with your tongue. He didn't exactly explain it to me like this, I watched him do this. It worked! It is tricky at first since the rice will fall over your clothes. Practice makes perfect. After 20 minutes I got the hang of it.
I didn't care about it, I enjoyed it so much. For the first time someone was teaching me something about Saudi. I knew there was more to this country than oil and shopping malls.
After that, we headed to the coffee and tea area. We sat near the guy who was preparing traditional Arabic coffee and serving mint tea. It was nice sitting near him and watching him preparing the cups, the coffee and the dates. It was a real treat.

After that adventure we went to the KINGDOM TOWER. Now this tower is really beautiful and extremely big. The Saudi's have a special name for it, which I shall not mention :). However, the tower is gorgeous inside and outside. We got to the top floor and saw Riyadh from above. Riyadh was a city under a cloud of soft dust, with many open areas in between. Riyadh looked peaceful from up there. I made a point of taking some pics of this really nice city.

Then it was time for some shopping. Now, I am a nervous shopper. I often want people to make decision for me when they shop with me. So, we decided to look for a nice Hookah pipe to take home with me. The only help I got from choosing a nice pipe was "don't choose the nice shapes, those pipes are worse". So, I decided to choose the most shapeless one and the reply was "excellent choice". Bingo!
After that we ended up at the old side of Riyadh. To be frank, I liked that part more than the new Riyadh. Old Riyadh had character, old souk shops, the buzzing of the people selling and buying and very unorganized. It was nice. We crossed the street to find ourselves in an area where they sell sheep heads...and as I was turning to go ahead and a man was carrying an entire slaughtered sheep in a wheel barrow!! I was gasping under my niqab for serious air of shock! It was Africa playing in front of my eyes.
I quickly forgot about that scene and we ended in a music shop. That is when I met the "Oud", which is a pear-shaped stringed instrument.  This man had beautiful instruments and for the first time I also got to meet the "duff" ,which is a percussion instrument and considered halal. It was nice to sit and listen how the shop keeper was playing the Oud, and soon relative on my side decided to play. So it was a real treat for me.
As I am lover of music, being surrounded by musical shops is only heaven to me. I ended up buying a very long neye. Today for the first time I tried playing it and it works.
After that nice shopping spree we decided to go buy some shoes and gold. We looked around for nice gold. I am very picky when it comes to things like jewelry. I often go for the motto "less is more" when it comes to decorating myself. I opted for a beautiful gold ring with a black stud and "diamonds" encrusted on the side. The gold is real and the ring is heavy!

Soon we decided to go look for some rugs. We ended up in this beautiful store, where all the traditional Saudi rugs were sold. From camel bags, to wall decorations, it was all beautiful and authentic. I opted for this beautiful off red rug to drape over my couch at home. During our shopping we bumped into other South Africans who were suspicious. They didn't believe me that I was South African. I wasn't sure if it was the niqab or the accent.

When we finished doing all the shopping. My brother decided to pop in at a local utility shop. I was curious as to what he wanted to buy there. He came out with a tea-flask. I didn't think much of it. Then we drove off to some stall where he gave the tea-flask to him. We waited for a while there. I didnt want to ask why there is a tea-flask and a dude making tea. After the man gave the flask back with hot tea cute little cups. I thought we were going to sip some tea in the car. However, there were better plans. We went to this lovely park in Riyadh which was buzzing with families and children playing about. We parked and as we got out, my brother went to the trunk and  took out and enire picnic set-as in blanket and all! I was really impressed! It was about twilight, so the temperature was perfect to sit outside on the grass and to drink hot tea.
We found a nice spot in between the families and sat there. It was a real treat. It was actually the best for me. I looked about while sitting on the grass and sipping my tea that life in Saudi is really nice, WHEN YOU ARE MARRIED!. Life is miserable if you are single, which is good, because it encourages people to get married. Shopping, camping, eat, playing and sitting at the park are all things for married people. If you are not married with who are you going to do all of those things??? No pressure boys, no pressure!.
We sat there for some time and had another great discussion..."women's rights". which is another blog topic on its own.
After sipping tea for almost 3 hours. We decided to head down to an Italian restaurant. Once again, the family section rocked. The privacy setting was awesome. There was even a button that I could press if I wanted to be disturbed or not! All I remember of that Italian restuarant was how my mouth was heaven wrapped in spinach and ricotta ravioli in a beautiful cheese and tomato cream sauce. I was a happy woman!
After that, all I wanted to go for a nice long drive around Riyadh. We drove around , talked about things were    of hindress of the soul, things that almost made a mirror image of us. At the same time music that reminded me of home were pulling me between two different time zones. My life of who I was then and the woman that I am now. I was pretty shocked at how much I have changed. I concluded from this weekend that change is not, change is good if you sticking up for it.
We did a nice tour to the desert. We drove like in to the desert, as South Africans would say "in die bundus". We drove so deep that even the car automatically beeped to say "I am not going any further". We parked. We got out, and sat for a few seconds. I breathed the peace and freshness of the desert. The heat was teasing my nostrils and my eyes were useless in the straight darkness. It felt as if it was just me, earth and air. Not long, we had to leave again. It was nice. Short and Sweet.  As we drove,we passed a cluster of cars in patched across the desert of Saudi men hanging out, sitting on their blankets and drinking their tea or coffee. It was so nice to see that. It was nice to see that people have innocent pleasurable time with their friends. It made me happy to see them taking time out in the middle of the desert and to breathe fresh air with their friends.
On the last day, we managed to get some baby stuff, bought lovely Islamic books, which I will treasure and give to anyone who want to learn as much I want to about our beautiful religion.
When I ended up at the airport. I had a box of Al Qassim dates, a bag full of a weekend and luggage of true friendship. It was time for me to go home. I hate saying goodbye. It is as if all of it is lost or rather captured in memories. That is all it turned out to be, a weekend of beautiful memories. I am really lucky to have learned some Saudi things. Most people will be wondering "what is the big deal, you can learn it while you are living there". It isn't as simple as that when our lives are restricted to the Western compounds. So, it is a blessing to learn something new in this country.
Like I said, Riyadh is the city of massive lights and believe it is more glowing when you are married!. It doesn't make sense living there and being single. it is like 1+1=0.

Ramadan- Let it be a month of remembrance ----

There are only about 5 days before Ramadan 2011 takes off and for all Muslim brothers and sister to tighten their faith.
This is going to be my fourth Ramadan and a very special Ramadan at that. I will be spending half of it here in Saudi Arabia and the other half Inshallah I will go to South Africa to spend it with my friends and family.
Ramadan is always the best part of the year for me. It is the month of patience, sacrifice and silence. It is a month of prayer and believing that Allah hears our prayers and pushing our faith to the highest limit.
Allah promises us that in the month of Ramadan that our sins are forgiven and that Allah blesses us bountiful.
Ramadan is the time to to give forgiveness and ask for forgiveness for any wrong we have done to others and most of all the wrong we have done to ourselves.
It is a special month of being in the company of Muslim brothers and sisters and to share a common love for our Lord, the Most Merciful.

In South Africa, Ramadan is like any other month except for Muslims. We get up early to eat our food and then go to to work. We work in the same conditions as we work in any other month. It is a struggle for most Muslims living in non-Muslim countries. However, I believe that we should not despair and not to focus on the length of the day and the work, but rejoice, because Allah can see our dedication even through tough times.

In Every Ramadan I try to make a list of issues/problems that I have to work through and try to overcome these issues through my fasting and prayers.
This year, I am focusing on two things that have weakened my character. Patience (Sabr) and sensitiveness. I have been extremely impatient with situation around me, most of all impatient with myself. It has been something I have struggled with for a long time. When I have a goal, I set it and no matter what I want to achieve that goal, even if it someones defeats me or wears me out. I believe that Patience is a virtue. It shows faith in Allah hearing our prayers and at the same time answering them.
Sensitivity has been another issue that has blunted me a little. I can't seem to take criticism very well, and it has only happened recently. I think it is,  because my life has slowed down and I actually get the time to think about what people say and think about me. However, people's words are just that.... words. Should I measure my expectations to what people think and say about me? Or should I measure myself to what Allah thinks of me?
I should trust more in Allah and let Him be the only judge of my character.

Like many Muslims, I am sure everyone one else has things that they would like to break through, that are holding our spiritual growth back or displacing our faith in Allah. We should look at those little things that deflates our character, work on those things and always ask for Allah's guidance and assistance.

During our lives, Allah will test us. He says that in Surah Al-Baqara. He will test us with hunger, with fear, lost of lives and the fruit of our toil. We must seek patience and His Face in these times.
Allah will never give us something that is too heavy for us to carry. He will never exert us, but strengthen our faith and our Eman in Him.  So fear Allah and forever seek forgiveness from Him.

Now, what I have seen is that some Muslims sleep the whole day and eat the whole night during Ramadan. This is something new for me. Sleeping throughout the day during the month of Ramadan is NOT sacrificing anything. Some leave their work early or don't even come to work. We become lazy and use Ramadan as an excuse to not do our daily duties. I think it is very shameful and defeats the purpose of why this holy month has been prescribed for us.
I know in South Africa that for some strange reason, before Ramadan the shops are FULL of Muslim buying food as if they are going to die during the month!!! Some cook the whole day and eat the whole night. I think this is fundamentally not well and it is not a good character to have during this month.
We should continue our duties to our best ability and even work harder during this month. Believe me Allah sees our doings day in and day out.
When it is time for Iftaar, some shove 10 samoosas at once to make up for all the meals that they have missed through out the day!!.  Also another issue that defeats the purpose. Our Prophet (SWAS) broke his fast with dates and water. He did this for a reason. Do you think you will be able to do a good Magrib prayer when your gut is shooting past your feet???? No. Breaking fast with water and dates is a logical and healthy way to give energy to the body and at the same suppress the hunger, preventing us from over eating.
Some people actually pick up weight during Ramadan rather than losing weight!! Come on brothers and sisters, Ramadan is more than the food. It is about giving up the very things we desire for the love of Allah.

The best way that I have always broken a fast is by drinking a glassful of water with 7 dates. You will feel the hunger satisfied. After that, you can have some soup and a small meal that will be nutritious for the body.
I know that Ramadan is awfully hard for those that have to do it in summer where the days are longer and Suhoor is before 4:am in the morning. However, to get through these days is by what you eat for Suhoor. Once again, indulge in dates, lots of it in the morning with milk or water. I also love drinking fresh orange juice, because it is packed with natural sugar that will give you energy throughout the day. Another good food for Suhoor is brown bread, because it releases slow energy throughout the day, so you will not feel so much hunger.

Ramadan is really good when it is well planned with your family. Make sure to make your intention the night before. Sleep earlier so that you can wake up for Suhoor. Remember the Prophet (SWAS) said that we should do Suhoor, because there is blessing in it. Make sure that you surround yourself with positive people that will not set your temper on fire. In Ramadan we must refrain from anger, speaking evil, hearing evil and seeing evil. So make sure you are surrounded with good friends that can help you and to keep you positive.

One more important thing in Ramadan is to pray like you have never prayed before. Sometimes we just do our 5 daily salat and think we have done ourselves proud. No, speaking to Allah does not just end there. Make Du'a as much as you can. Ask for forgiveness, seek for guidance and may Allah shape us in to good people. May Allah reward us with what no man can ever measure. May we pray for those that we love, those that are our enemies and most of all for those that are in hunger.We must remember those have nothing so pray for Allah's mercy upon us and them. Pray for our mothers and father, our children and those that came before us. Remember only through Prayer can we establish a good relationship between our us and Allah. If we don't speak to Him or read about Him, how are we suppose to know Him? Tell Allah about your pains, your fears, your hardships, your love, your happiness and to ALWAYS give THANKS. Give gratitude! Only through gratitude do we recognize what Allah has blessed us with. So, ALWAYS SAY THANKS!

Finally. I want to wish each and every Muslim a beautiful and blessed Ramadan. May the strength of our fast and prayers ripple through the world. May Allah be please with us and may we think of those that don't have anything.

Ramadan Mubarek Olsun! 

Saudi Men, - the naked truth-

I know you are all dying, as in dying to hear what I have to say about the Saudi men. How are these men that  are secretive about themselves and about their families? Are they sincere or are they cunning as most people perceive them to be. Who are they? What do they do? Are they good? Are they bad?

Well, first of all before anyone starts reading this blog with preconceived ideas, I beg you to see it from my perspective and where I am coming from.
Before I came here, I was pumped with information of "DO NOT GET INVOLVED WITH SAUDI MEN". Everyone was completely against me speaking to any of them or even saying "hello". No one has serious grounds on what they base their opinions on.

As a young western woman, I often try to see the men for what they are in their own culture and then compare it to the world that we know.
Now, before I came here I was very fortunate to have  met a young Saudi man. I was actually praying that I would meet someone from Saudi, because I needed to know where I was going, what should I expect and not expect. All of a sudden through A Turkish friend, I met a young Saudi chap. I will not lie, before I met him , I imagined him to be wearing his thobe and schmack. However, to my surprise the boy was dressed in denims and comfortable flats .... of course he would, he was in South Africa.
The moment we met, we clicked as if we knew each other for years. I can safely and honestly say that he has taken the place of a really beloved brother in my life and has made everything possible for me to be comfortable in Saudi, even though he was still in South Africa.
He is one of many young Saudi guys who have gotten the opportunity to go study and work abroad. He has the most open mind I have ever experienced from a young male. At the same time, he respects women more than anything. He could not even harm a fly. On my way to Saudi, he figured out that one of his close working colleagues was taking the same flight as mine. So he asked his friend to take care of me from the Cape Town international airport all the way to Riyadh. Now, I have traveled alot, and no one has ever sent me a body guard to look out for me from point A to point B.
Since I have been in Saudi, the young men and older men have never treated us, as western women with disrespect. In fact, they often give way for all women first. They often help out when there is a language barrier when purchasing things at a store or merely offering advice on what to  do in Saudi.
They have been painfully polite and have always greeted me and my house mate with a "salamu alaykum sister". When they realize you are foreign, they engage easier. They ask questions of our countries and why we are in Saudi. Then they often give a caring tip "do not believe anyone here, some people are not good".
Young Saudi men are always judged, because of the fact we judge their society. Just because women are not allowed to drive, automatically we believe that they want to control everything and anything.
However, no one knows how life can be tough for these boys. No one knows what their struggles are compared to the women.
Unlike the women that are veiled and protected and valued by their families at a very high cost, these young Saudi men have to aim for things that are above and beyond them.
I have 3 good Saudi male friends that have told me that they are so tired of trying to get married. The price of dowry is too high and often families base their opinions whether they are good or not by what other people say. Even if those people hate them and would only spread lies about them. Some Saudi guys can kiss marriage goodbye for the mere fact that they have passports. Yes! That's right, I said it! Just because some of these boys have passports, it is perceived that they often go to other countries to engage with women and therefore their word or their honor isn't valid anymore. Now, the Saudi friends I have, have never done anything in these countries except study, pray, work and hang out with boys. In South Africa it is often very easy to identify a Saudi guy. They often can't speak to woman and shy easily when they are mixed groups, since it is something not done here.
Now, I know we can't all brush them with the same brush. I am sure there are some of these boys that do go to other countries to get some good times with the ladies and then head back home.
However, life is intense for these boys. Believe me the struggle doesn't just end there.
If the boy does get married. He has to provide EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. The only thing the girl must do is pack her belongings and move in to the house the guy bought. She doesn't have to lift a finger. She doesn't have to work, she doesn't have to bring an income. She can just be!....breathe air and drink water.

All responsibilities are upon the man to provide. If she is sick, he must run and make the appointment for her to go see a doctor. If she needs to go shopping, he needs to take her there and back or organize their driver to drive her. He needs to provide for the family, no matter how big or small. Do you understand where I am coming from? Believe me, the Saudi never sulk doing this job, the actually enjoy doing this for their sisters, their mothers and their wives. Actually it is not even a job for them, it is an honor for them to do this. I see little Saudi boys as young as 13 driving their big sisters to school or patiently waiting for their dear sisters to finish school and ready to take them home. Can you imagine the responsibility a 13 year old must feeling and the consequences of what would happen if he rocks up home without his sister?? From a young age they are taught to watch out for the women in their families and ALWAYS take care of them.
I am saying this, because it often irritates me when people are ready to beat the Saudi men down. The Saudi men are doing what OUR men are suppose to do. In our world, we women have to do half of it! Yes, honey, your worth is half that electricity bill or that mortgage. Isn't it funny when they say WOMEN'S RIGHTS.
No, it is a woman's right to be a full mother, to choose to be at home or not. It is not a woman's right to keep worrying whether her husband is going to rock up with the whole months pay, because he might have gone down to one of his buddy's houses to get a drink and gamble some of it away.
It is a woman's right to never have to worry about it. Guess what? Islam provides those rights! Yes, the very religion that most people want to protest against, is the religion that actually keeps the families sane. It keeps the roles of male and female in a marriage and in the family simple and straight.
Yes, women do work in Saudi! Women do study here, but it doesn't mean she has to buy the house!
Yes. I said it and I did.
I have lived in a very conservative part of town for almost 8 months now I have seen it with my eyes. The men pick up their sisters from school, they drive them to shops, they drop them off at the lady parties. The woman just picks her clothes, he carries her bags while she is carrying the babies. He hooks into her arm as they walk together and do their shopping together.
Now, I am speaking of what I have seen and have witnessed. As far as what happens behind closed doors I have no idea. It is like any other marriage, some of the marriages could be really good and some really bad. I can't speak on that. However I can speak on the behaviour outside the homes.
I am not saying that I going to run off and marry a Saudi guy, however I am saying that we should not judge what we don't know.
Life is life no matter where it is. Whether it is in America, Africa or Arabia, life is life. We all struggle with difficult husbands and wife, with difficult children and with social changes. However, we should see and judge life for what it is. Abuse happens in Africa, America and Arabia. Love happens in Africa, America and Arabia. If the women were so pinched from it, if the women were so against what they have now, don't you think social changes would have occurred? Most of all men are men! There are good men that we should acknowledge and give them the credit for always stepping up in society. There are also very bad men, who should be given guidance on how to be civil members of society. No matter where your eye turns, there are good and bad. However, we should see the good ,acknowledge it, whether it is from the West or from the East.
I am dedicating this blog to my Saudi brother. For he is a good brother and good man. He represent many men that are doing what they are ordered to do; to care , to love and to protect. I want to acknowledge this, for  it is something beautiful that most people won't appreciate.

The Abaya-empowering women!

Living in the Middle East and reading about the Middle East are two different things. From my experience, I would say, disregard what you read and come live here to form your own opinion. I always believe that personal experience often directs us into the right direction regarding lifestyle of different countries.

Now Saudi is one of the most peaceful countries, actually it is the peaceful country on my list. Since,I have been here I have never been bothered, hindered or treated badly. In contrary, I have been living in peace and at ease.
All of my friends back home ask me about the "abaya" story. Is it hot? Do you feel depressed? Do you feel oppressed? How does it feel?
I took a while to really answer that question as I didn't want to answer it while I was in my honey moon period in Saudi Arabia. No, I wanted to wear this piece of clothing long enough where it frustrates me, helps me and most of all to understand its purpose.
Before I came to Saudi, I was not really nervous about the abaya, Muslim women around the world wear it in their daily lives or when they do their prayers.
For me, the abaya is more than just a covering of a woman's body. No, there is a lot more behind this piece of cloth that protects what is deeper than the eye.
My thought starts at -human dignity and respect. You are wondering, what has this got to do with the abaya. Well, it has a lot to do with our perception of the human body, more so the female body. Coming from a society where girls are being taught "thin is the way to go" , "show more skin" and "strut your stuff", I find that it has had a negative effect on most girls' self image. Every day in our societies we hear of women killing themselves, because society does not accept the way they look. Young girls from the age of 16 get bullied at school for their body shape and size. Girls spending their time, working out calorie counts and spending money on the best dress to impress the opposite sex. The saddest part is that girls die to be beautiful. Die to be like the women on big billboards on the high way. Girls shoving their fingers down their throat, girls only eating a carrot a day just because our society has pressurized our women to be something that they are not. Now, in the media, the whole ideal of a woman has been manipulated. "The less you wear, the better you are." I ask myself, BETTER FOR WHO??? Yes, better for men who will look at you as an object of sex, better for perverts to stimulate their sick desire, better for society to make woman do things that seem "empowering" , but actually are not. Walking down the street with a dress that could actually be a shirt, and high heels that could break legs is not empowering. Instead you will find  men, men that have no interest or regard for what is behind your skin,  wanting you for something that is not going to uplift your honor.
I have been in Saudi for 7 months now,  by  law of this country, there are no pictures or big billboards of women wherever your head turns. Some people will say, this is oppressive. I say this is progressive. This law has given women power more than what a human being can give anyone, and that is self respect and dignity for the nurturers of our society. I applaud this country for keeping things clean.
Some of you might think, I have been brain washed or I have turned to the other side. No, I have seen this all by myself and have looked at the impact it has on the women. My students don't suffer from half the things, girls at their age are suffering back home. Instead these girls take pride in themselves, guard themselves in the most modest way. No man or no woman can ever judge her in a disgraceful manner.
Another issue I have learned is getting over the "trick" of society. I came to this conclusion, because I have actually been through this before. I remember the days when I wore the shortest skirts thinking I will knock them off their feet. Then one day after university, I walked on the streets. It was like a pack of hungry wolfs howling. There was nothing pleasant about it. A compliment is not "girl you look sexy, but I think you would look sexier at the back of my car", or "nice tits" or "that is a good ass you carrying there". No, there is nothing complementary about that. However, society seems to teach us that those are compliments. You have to ask yourself, "how low must society make you feel to only be good enough for compliments on the side of the street." Of a matter a fact those guys at the club or at bars that we dress up for are just that, guys at a club and the bar trying to get lucky and we ladies don't even know it. No man of that level would EVER attempt talking to a woman when she is dressed modestly, certain of herself and her being on her way to school or work. So, that is a coward way of society that lures us into dangerous territories.

Since I have worn the abaya, I don't have a care in the world for what people say. Who are those people? God, did not make me to impress people that I don't even know. Who are those people that you want to give them the right to comment on something that they don't even know about YOU??? The abaya has given me dignity, self respect and modesty of the highest quality. When I do my shopping, I do it in peace. A true man that is interested in me, will not see my abaya, but he would have the patience, the dignity to see my thoughts and my heart. And ladies, a guy who has that kind of patience to seek you for who you are and listens to the words that come out of your mouth is a real keeper.
In Saudi arabia, no man dares to say something fowl in public about a women. Even if he wanted to, how would he? He has never seen your body or even your face. Fathers and brother guard their sisters and daughters so that they don't fall into the trap of being the sick fantasy of strange men. Strange men that can only do harm and no good. That is where it all begins at home. If a father concerns himself to guard his daughter, to treat her with absolute love and tenderness and sets the bar of quality of who she is, then this can only help her with self confidence, self esteem and self respect. He has given her the power to always put herself first and to honor herself and her God.
What is surprising is that many media outlets run to the middle east to "find" someone that will disagree with the abaya and then run back to their countries and say "you see, this abaya story is very oppressive. However, they keep running into a thick wall, because women on this side understands it, women on this side embrace it. I embrace it myself.

The second important thing about the abaya is that it always keeps you ready for worship and prayer. When you hear the azan and  it is time for salat (prayer), you don't have to scatter about trying to find a cover for the arms and and a cover for the legs. The abaya is great to always be ready for prayer and to do the prayer comfortably without having to overstretch in denims.

Thirdly, the abaya is only worn outside the house or at places where men and women are together e.g shopping centres and the streets. However, at school where there are only girls, we take it off. It is nice, the women dress to impress other women, women enjoy it and there is less pressure of anything. When I am home or at school I am free to wear my normal clothes, and often other women have quick compliments about a new dress that was bought or a change in style. There is not "you have a sexy ass" comment, but more of a "how gorgeous you look today". This is the place where women dress so well that they get hooked up for MARRIAGE!! In a club or a bar you get dressed to get hooked up for a one night stand!

If society could be more considered to all women, maybe just maybe our daughters will spend less time crying at night about the body God gave them. Girls would not have jaded self images of themselves and they could work in peace and comfort. Most of all we would have equal respect for both men and women. I have never seen a man dressing less on his way to work or on his way to a club.........yes, think about it. Isn't it weird that a guy is not expected to come to work with only a t-shirt. A guy is not expect to come to work with the shortest trousers? A guy is not expected to expose his chest? And the worst of it all is that he STILL gets promoted! He still gets the 'hottest" girl in the club for doing absolutely NOTHING!! So, why is it expected from a woman? Yes, got it! Think about it! Beauty is not associated with what is open to the eye, beauty is more real when it hidden from the eye.