Hoes before bro's . Rule 1, 2 and 3.

Now, I have been pretty much detached from the world outside of Saudi and haven't been keeping up with what is going on in the real world......yes, I pretty much live in a bubble. As comforting as it sounds, it is also not the most ideal way to live life. Life is full of suprises and sometimes they dont't happen in the desert.
The issue that I would like to discuss is friendship and dating. Actually, women friendships and dating.
My brother always told me that there is a code that boys live up to. That is :Bros before hoes. I didn't understand what it meant before, but now I do. Boys have a written code that a boy will never have relations with his best friend's girlfriends. I mean not at all! If you are a boy and your best boy is having relationships with your ex girl friends... you shouldn't be friends at all. Don't even eat with this dude!! He might just poison your ass!

Now, with girls,  things get a little bit twisted. Look, we women know that there is a higher female population than the male population. Meaning, for every guy there is about 4 women. No shock for me! I read that in the Qu'ran already.  Now, women are aware of the fact that men are not as available. It actually gets really scary the older we grow up. You see your friends getting married and having stable relationships and you wonder to yourself "Did God actually forget about me?" You are wondering to yourself "Lord, why am I in this bullshit relationship?" You see, when you are with an idiot you want to kill him, but when you are alone, you want to kill yourself!!
Coming back to the point, just because your girlfriend is not dating XYZ anymore, doesn't mean you need to dig into her trash to find left overs!! Women do this all the time! The big question is.... is it worth it? No, it isn't!!

Women create the most amazing friendships, but women get so emotionally involved that as soon as a friend steps in our way, we want to rip her eyes out, we want to point fingers, we are ready to skin this bitch alive! I have seen it..I have lived it....I know exactly what I am talking about!
Every girl has a girlfriend that she will not trust leaving her man hanging around. For example. I had a friend (emphasis on the "had") that I could not leave any dude around her for too long. Even if I was going to bathroom I would be like
Me:  I am going to the bathroom
Dude: Oh ok girl. see you in a bit.
Me: No, you are coming with me!!!

Every girl has that friend that you just don't trust. Actually our intuition isn't far from reality. Cause you know as soon as you leave your dude with that chick alone, she will try something!!
Do you see dudes doing that???? No!! Because dudes have a written code "Bros before hoes!".

Also, women like to say nice things to one another but actually don't mean most of it. Boys say bad things to one another and actually don't mean it! So, what is wrong with this equation?
It comes back to the theory that women hate women!!. Why? because we keep nest. We protect what we think is rightfully ours and we try to make a point. However in that process of trying to make a point we hurt one another. Hurt one another in such a bad way that we can't rekindle that frienship we had. We lose the plot sometimes.... ok.....most of the time. Women are amazing beings, and I can vouch for that, since I am a woman myself. We have endurance that no man can measure to. We give birth, which men can't even do, we can multi task our families, jobs and lives and a man would not be able to do that. However, we can get so caught up in it all , that we lose track of what is right and wrong. Sleeping with your best friend's ex boyfriend is wrong!! Sleeping around is wrong in the first place. Secondly, judging each other is wrong too. How can a friend open up and be honest about what she feels and believes if she knows that all her girlfriends will be judging her like SURVIVOR?? Thirdly, let no a dude break a friendship!! It is not worth it.

Another code in the bros code is "there isn't payback...except for money and food." Just because your girl did you bad back in the day, doesn't mean you must rise to the occasion and show her a lesson or give her a taste of her own medicine. Have you seen dudes showing each other how they will get each other?? Na, actually dudes do it like this. If a boy's girl goes and sleeps with his best friend (big If), the boy will not get mad. He will actually ditch that girl and say "thanks dude for showing me light. Now we know what she really is!" Do you understand how bad it makes us look?? However with girls it is always pay back! Do something to me and I will show you!! If your girl did something with your boy, you will go do something with her boy!! Who is fooling who in the process?  We are fooling ourselves ladies!!

I won't talk too much on this topic. I am sure you must be wondering why on earth am I writing about this. Well, I have seen too many friendships break up, because of this. Frankly I think the morality of it all is compromised severly. That is why I simply stick to one girlfriend and one dude friend. A girl needs a friend that will love her unconditionally. A girl that will have your back 24/7. Listen don't compare your friendships to the "Sex and the City" movie, because that is all fiction and far from what is really going on. Also, know your place in the friendship. Don't just jump in and make judgment if your friend is doing something that you wouldn't do. Learn from each others mistakes and try not to repeat them. My mother has always told me "no friend is better than no friend." She's right! Even in Turkey, people don't believe in having many friends.
 I have a girlfriend who is like blood to me and she is the only one I would stick my neck out for. I have one guy friend who is like a brother to me, and I would stick my neck out for him if trouble comes along the way. Also these friends know their place, because I know my place. Don't judge if you don't want to be judged. Love unconditionally and they will unconditionally love you back and always make time for them. The rest are just that "the rest". Don't let the rest determine your future and holding you back. Don't let the rest keep you at their level,  because they can't reach higher.
I have a friend who met a dude, got married and just had their first baby. She did it in the speed of light Why?? So that no other woman can interfere. Take notes! If you have a dude that you think you can eat with for the rest of your life, don't waste time. Claim that man as soon as possible without saying a word. People must just see you married already.

Ladies it is a wilderness out there, not enough meat to go around. Also keep your relationship life seperate and private. Don't go around announcing to all your girlfriends "He is like the nicest dude on this planet." They will raise their eye brows and the next thing you know, that "nicest dude on this planet" will no longer be yours. So keep your shit private!!!

That is all I have to say for now. I hope this has made you think, laugh and come up with plans to take the right move forward.
Remember ladies...... Hoes before bros!!

Car crashes and broken phones

It has been a while since I wrote something on my blog. I guess I was waiting for something dramatic to happen in my very monotone life that I am living here in the desert. And guess what?? Something dramatic did happen!!

My brother got into a really bad car accident/crash. Now, at first when I received the message I was in absolute panic. I mean, this is my brother from another mother, so I do care if this boy gets into any kind of trouble.
However, he was fine, since he got to message me on "whatssap" and at the same time got the chance to send me a photo of the car wreck!! Before national news heard about it, I already got pictures!
After all of this drama I started thinking of how different reactions are from different countries when it comes to car crashes. I will use South Africa (my homeland) and Saudi (my current residency) as comparisons.

Firstly, In South Africa,  you DON'T want to get into a car accident. It is not about the lives that are lost and deeper things like that. It is about the CAR INSURANCE. Nothing fears or get South Africans in a frenzy than insurance...and remember,Insurance is just there "if" something happens to you.
Also most accidents in South Africa are caused by hesitation! Believe it or not!! We don't really drive that fast , but we still make a lot of car accidents, due to hesitation.
Secondly most of them are under the influence of alcohol or drugs. So, car crashes will happen.
Now the reaction is really different. When a car accident happens in S.A, you better be praying that someone will stop and help your ass out. Secondly, make sure that someone is smart enough to write the idiot's number plate who crashed in to you. The police will be there in no time (30 minutes min) and soon the lies will start. I was involved in a car crash and I know the lies that go with it. After all, who wants to lose their insurance right??? That is the most important thing in the world!!!   The bystanders at the accident, they just look at you with folded arms and offer you no bubalicious. Yes! No tea, no coffee, no "can I drive you home", the police won't even drive your ass home. The best reaction you will get from the bystanders are "mmm,so what are you going to do?" Eventually your car will be scrapped off, you will have to start using nasty public transport, you will lose your girlfriend, cause you just dropped from a hero to a zero. Really, car accidents in South Africa will dent your social and economic standards. So avoid it at all times!!!

Now, in Saudi it is pretty different. I live in Saudi so no one can tell me any different. I have a good eye for observing strange things. Especially in the town I live accidents are so random....you can't believe it.
First of all, you would be surprised at how many accidents in Saudi happen on their own. No other car involved!! Now, how do you make an accident by yourself? Secondly there is no alcohol here, so you can't even blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol!!.  How will you explain it to yourself?
Now the reactions are amazing. When an accident occurs. Every Saudi man will stop his car and go help. I mean, the road will be full of cars even though most of them can't help, but they will offer help anyways.
The car is in the worse condition ever. I mean the roof is even gone!  Everyone will offer you some serious bubalicious! They will offer you tea ,coffee, chocolate (a favourite one), milk, date, water, bandage, whatever your heart desires.  Secondly, the boy who is involved in the accident and has made it alive will just be grateful to the Lord above. Most of the times, the Saudis are so calm, they will often crack a joke with the accident. I mean how do you laugh after you just rolled about 10 times in your car??? Well, in Saudi that is possible.
 Secondly, the police will be very nice to you, often referring to you as "habibi" (dear/love) and soon everything is qalas (finish).
Of course people will ask the Saudi brother what exactly happened. His reply would be "I was busy on the internet and whatssaping friends." Then it will be a laughing orchestra. I have to say, when my brother did send me the message that he was in an accident, the shock soon became a conversation that was consumed with fits of laughter. "Alhamdulilah that I am still alive" , is the only thing any Saudi dude will be thinking.

Isn't iy amazing how we take measures to be safe in the car. Have your seat belt on, don't drink and drive, don't play on your mobile while driving. When accidents happen we blame the activity the person was busy with that caused the accident. What happened to....It was his time to exit this world. All we should do is just hope that we will be meeting each other on the other side.

I know that it isn't good to find the comedy of this particular subject since we lose many people on the road. However, we need to also know that no measures we take can actually save us. If it is not you causing the accident, it will definitely be that other person who didn't obey the road rules.

What is the conclusion of it all........"well shit happens."

A mighty experience for Eid Adha this year!

Sunrise in Skakah

I haven't blogged in a long time due to not many things happening in my life. I am actually glad for that. I think that life doesn't always have to be filled with drama and excitement. It makes me look forward to drama and excitement when I am deprived from it.

The most exciting thing that happened this past week was the Eid Adha (sacrificial eid).  I knew that I couldn't go on the Hajj this year and therefore made an intention to perform the sacrificial eid and to submit myself to my Lord. I can't describe the amazing blessing that came with it, because it was my first sacrifice ever, Sabhan'Allah, it was amazing;
On the day of Eid, I woke up really early and washed up and put on my best abaya and my best perfume. It was absolutely exciting for me. I got on to the bus and greeted all the other Muslims and each of us spoke blessing to each other for Eid. As we were driving, the sun was rising, it was absolutely beautiful. It looked like a sparkling grape fruit that effortlessly hanged on the canvas of the blue morning. I am always amazed at how clear the sun is in Saudi, you literally don't need a watch to know when to do salat, you can figure it out by looking at the movement of the sun.
We went to a newly built mosque in Gara. It has a big beautiful bronze dome and the building appears to be modern. The parking area was full of cars. Women and men dressed in their best atire came to do their Eid salat together. As I was walking towards the mosque,  one Saudi gentleman was walking behind me holding his  sweetest son and reciting "Allahu Akbar". It was really pleasing to hear.
As we got to the ladies' section, I actually whispered "Sabhan'Allah", because it was jam packed. I mean, there was no space to even stretch too far. The children were running around with baskets filled with sweets and chocolates handing it out to the ladies. I stood next to an old lady who quietly gave me an eid salutation. The Imam commenced the prayer. I can't really describe how wonderful it is to do a prayer with everyone and we all turn our faces towards the Kabah and worshipping the same Lord. That is always so emotional for me, so my tears were streaming down and I just knew that I was in the right place. All my life I was looking for the right place, and never would have though I would end up in a mosque in Skakah. Sabhan'Allah.
After the eid prayer, the Imam made a beautiful du'a and we all proceeded home.

The following day, me and my driver made time to go to the sheep market to go buy my sheep. I was pretty much excited.I remember last eid that I helped my brother to do his sacrifice, which was a blessing, because I didn't know that this year I would be doing mine.

 I haven't seen any  farms while I have been staying here. So we drove all the way to the farm area. There was a large number of camel farms. The camels were just chilling and snacking on some grass. I just love this animal, because it is so calm.
Eventually we got to the sheep farms. There were soo many cars and trucks, men buying their sheep and putting them in the car (yes, only in Saudi you will literally put a sheep in a car...at the backseat). I couldn't get out of the car, because there were literally no women there and it would just look awkward standing there in my abaya glory. All I told them was that I want a healthy goat or sheep that have all his limbs.
It is important that Muslims only sacrifice lawful animals. If an animal is missing an ear, you can't sacrifice it. If it is looking sickly and lifeless then you can't sacrifice it either. So, it is important to sacrifice good animals, since they have to be halaal to consume them .

Manoor at the sheep market

I saw one beautiful sheep. He was just standing in the middle of  the land, away from the other sheep. I am not sure if he was a smart or just a brave sheep, because, when the guy came to fetch him, while all the other sheep were running towards the corner, he was just chilling on the same spot. Didn't move an inch. I loved him so much, I called him Mansoor.
We got Mansoor into the car and drove him to the slaughter house. While I was sitting in the car, I just made a du'a and intention to sacrifice him. As we got to the slaughter house and then I saw the blood, I almost collapsed. I was about to ask the butcher to do it for me. However, my senses kicked in and I decided to just suck it up and do it.
Mansoor wasn't much of protestor, he just kinde layed there looking at me with those eyes "please just get it over with".  I said "Bismillah Rahmanir Raheem, Allahu Akbar" and did it. It wasn't of a bigger deal as I thought. It was easy, painless and efficient. Soon, he was skinned and cut into pieces.
I am not much of a red meat eater, so I took a small amount of meat for myself, the rest I gave to the Muslim workers at our area and friends.  Mansoor became my lamb curry :) , which tasted great. Alhamdulilah.

Lamb curry :) Alhamdulilah.

Eid is a miraculous day for all Muslims as it is a tester of faith..submission to God. It travels back to the story of Ibrahim who had to sacrifice his own son. However, God saw Ibrahim's submission and love for God, that God sent down a goat for him to sacrifice instead of his son. Can you imagine, that every fibre of Ibrahim was believing in God so much that he carried out the hardest command from God. I know for sure and I am sure you know too that if God had to ask you to give up a child, you wouldn't be able to. Our dear Lord gave us so much mercy and love that he has made Islam easy for us to follow. So Eid is actually a blessing to every single Muslim who truly believes that it symbolizes their submission to Allah.

Honestly I encourage all Muslims to follow the Hadith and Qu'ran and not to fall into the traps of today  where people try to convince us that the act of Sacrifice (Qurban) is out dated. Ask yourself, is Allah out dated? Is your religious out dated? No, it i not! Allah is our beginning and our end and therefore we should fulfill what has been commanded to us. We should not let the outside world determine our solid faith towards our Lord.
With Eid come many blessing. It is food for those that don't have, it helps us remember to turn our faces towards our Lord. It reminds us to be thankful for everything that we have in this world and pray for a better life after this world.

So, I hope that all Muslims had a fantastic Eid and may it bring Barakah to you and your family! Those that went on Hajj, may Allah accept it and answer your prayers!

"And be steadfast, Allah does not let the wage of good-doers go to waste. " (Surah, Hud 115)