Being a virgin! -more than just the hymen

In the olden days mothers used to put chasitiy belts on their daughters to prevent them from engaging in forbidden sexual acts. Girls used to get stoned, hung, banished from society if they were suspected of eating from the tree of sin. In recent years mothers put their girls on birth control pills and all kinds of medication for their daughters not to get pregnant. When did it all change from not doing the deed at all,  to doing the deed, but preventing the fatal consequences?
The reason why I am writing this blog entry, is because about a month ago I broke up with someone who insisted that this relationship will not survive if we don't "do it". You know what I mean when I say, "do it". The deed, getting laid or getting one's cherry popped!
It has bothered me a great deal how virginity has always symbolized a woman's purity and dignity. The focus was always on the woman and never the man. After all,  the woman has always been the honour of the family, the "namuz" of the family.
In the eastern cultures it hasn't changed much. If a woman is not a virgin, most men are not interested in her.  Hence, why it is hard for a divorced woman to get re-married again.
So, in the western world her virginity doesn't matter so we put her on birth control, and in the eastern world, her virginity matters so much that we kill her for it.
Where have we lost the focus on it all? Ask yourself? Is your sister more important to you, because she is a woman who is a virgin? Is your daughter a symbol of YOUR honor? From the day you fathered her until now, is her hymen the only thing that makes her the apple of your eye?
If you have said you to any of the above, I suggest you go and get a reality check!
I think we have been mislead and misguided about how we should approach this particular matter. Our daughters and sisters should be taught that their honor is in the manner they compose themselves, the way they guard themselves. This can only be taught when we let our daughter be who they want to be and to help shape them in the beautiful women they suppose to be.
Nothing is more of a blessing when a father sits with his daughter and educate her about the world out there. The education is either inlined with the family's culture or religion. A girl can only gain confidence and self appreciation if her family gives it to her 100% The moment that is lack in a girl's life, believe me, she will not know how to be in the outside world.
I was and still is very lucky to have been raised in a very modest family,where my mother gave me the information that she knew from her own life experiences and at the same time telling me "whatever choice you make, you will carry it to your grave". I knew from a young age that my virginity is only a part of my whole make up. I have a brain and a heart too, and I think those two matter more. However my brain and my heart have always given me the correct information to keep my virginity until I get married.
My mother didn't talk me into it, my brother didn't send me death threats for it and most certainly religion didn't bash it in me.
Keeping my virginity has been a blessing more than a curse. Often when I am in a relationship and we hit month 2, my significant other would start bugging me. "you see, it has been 60 days now of not doing it. when will we do it?" I would look at all of them with the same eyes I would look at a cow that is being prepared to be slaughtered. "it will never happen". With that, the next day my number, e-mail, facebook and all the contacts I have would change in less than 24 hours. When I would bump into them after the whole drama, they all said the same thing. "You are one stuck up chick!"
It used to frustrate me so much as to how did it become "OK" for a guy to ask for sex after being with a girl for only 2 months???? Who started this trend? Why did they start it? (well, that is pretty obvious).  And IF a woman says "no", then she is labeled a "prune", "stuck up", "cock teaser" and all kinds of stingy comments. Since when is she in the wrong for saying "no". Most of all, who are the women who have been teaching the men "it is ok to have sex after 2 months baby, I love you". Whoever they are, they have made my life and other women's lives a living hell. Men don't even hunt anymore, yes, that is how easy it is in modern days. In the animal kingdom, the male species still hunt!  Only in the human race we don't hunt anymore.
That is why relationship dynamics are becoming problematic, too many illegitimate children and all kinds of strange diseases that are ready to jump at the eager beavers.
Sex was God's idea. His idea of it was in marriage. Simple as that. If you have sex in marriage, it doesn't just serve as a physical act, but it protect one from physical, mental and emotional harm. Why do we think we know better than God when it comes to marriage and sex.
No matter how hard we try to twist and turn it to make whatever we are doing right... guess what...IT IS NOT RIGHT!

If you blame a woman for not giving it to you, then you are being a sour prick.
I'm more bored than sick of having to justify myself why I haven't given it up and why I will not give it up!
It is my choice and should not be punished for doing the the right thing for me.
I'm writing this blog to air out what some girls and women feel, when this particular matter approach them during their lives.
I want to end this entry to say that a woman's  body is more than just a hole for some dude to put his stick in!

Behind the Veil - A gift not a curse

My journey to and in Islam has made me realized the woman in me. It has made me appreciate every bit of who I am in me. Most of all, it has made me love the veil.
What is the veil? What does the veil mean to me, to the women who embrace Islam by heart? Is it only a cloth? Is it a way to tell men" don't talk to me" or is it Allah's protection and love for the women that worship Him?

I used to stand in front of my mirror most mornings trying to fix my hijab. I used to think that I look "ugly" in it. I used to adjust it in various ways to make it look more "fashionable", more "acceptable" and less "offensive" to those who didn't like it. I didn't realize how much I was subjecting myself to my own criticism and how much I cared about what the world will say when they see me in it.
Since I started doing my 5 daily salat/namaz/prayers, the veil became something more practical. After all, whenever doing a salat, my hair needs to be covered. I decided to keep it on most times. Soon, I found myself in the kitchen and cooking for friends and myself, and the one thing I hate is hair randomly landing in my food. I decided to keep it on during my cooking. The veil never got into my way, it never stopped me from doing the things that I used to do before I became Muslim.
I acknowledged its purpose in my life, and therefore wore it most times. Now, I can't stand cooking without something covering my hair. I don't like waisting time trying to find a scarf just do a prayer. It is easier, more practical to keep it on at all times.
I thought to myself, "this can't be it". Allah didn't just give me this veil to make cooking better or to prepare myself for salat. No, there had to be more to it.
After all,  the internet and the media is forever poking at this thing. This thing that has decided to make us either "conservative" or "liberal", this thing that has divided us between the "west" and the "east".
The veil is my symbol of my devotion to the only true god Allah. The God of Abraham, Isaac, Moses, Joseph, Solomon, Enoch, David, Isa and our final prophet Muhammed (pbuh). It is what Allah asked of me to do and therefore as my act of obedience I will wear it.
However, people often mis judge a Muslim woman,BUT more so Muslim women mis judge themselves.
The veiled woman isn't any better than a woman who doesn't wear it. A veil does not give one more points than the other one. To my shock, I have discovered that most veiled girls are often the ones that are more judgmental, more deprived of who they are and most of all extremely backbiting.
No, that was not Allah's intention with the hijab.
A sister that doesn't wear it, has her own reasons. I can only imagine her going through exactly the same things I went through. We often want to be considered modern. Our outer appearances seem to be of most important in this world rather than the heart we carry.
At the same time,a sister should not be shoved, forced or talked into wear it. It has nothing to do with others. Have we also become so blinded to think that if she wears her hijab everyday that it will stop her from smoking? Will it stop her from having pre marital affairs? No, it will not.  The hijab after all is only a cloth, when the proper meaning of it is not applied correctly.
I sat down one day and thought to myself. Why am I wearing the hijab? Do I want other Muslims to have deeper respect for me? Am I conscious about it when I am surrounded by them and I am not wearing it? Will it keep me safe? Will men on the corners of the  streets stop whistling at me? Are these the reasons that I am wearing it? When my answer was "yes". I took the veil off.  Tears were streaming down my cheeks as I was ashamed that I didn't even understand Allah's purpose for this hijab and how could I wear it in vain. How can I take something that Allah has given us as a gift and twist it to fit my own reasoning.
For many months I didn't wear it. I didn't want to wear it until I discovered and accepted the real purpose for  it.
During my trips to Turkey, the first thing I used to do as soon as I landed at the airport, was to untie my hijab and say to myself "freedom at last". I enjoyed the fresh air blowing through my hair. I enjoyed looking open and bare. It was more comfortable without this hijab than with it in a country that is 99% Muslim.
However, I started to realize the dangers of it. I was bare to the whole world. Any kind commentary or even a snare was directed at me. As I was sitting at the back of the taxi on my way to my hotel in Turkey, I  saw billboards of women half naked. Billboards of women being judged for how the look like and it was enough. No one cared for what was in their brain, whether they was good or bad. No, they only cared at how these women looked like, how much they lured anyone in with their velaptious hips.
It deeply disturbed me.It disturbed me as a woman, as a "want to be a mother in the future". This was not right.
I went back to the Qu'ran and what Allah says why I need to be covered.
I saw what He saw before me, before I was even born. Allah doesn't want me to be subjected to this world of flesh. As much as people will say "you look so beautiful" without the veil, at the same time it welcomes people saying "you look so sexy" without the veil. I don't want to be sexy for a random person on the streets who I don't even know.
I returned to Saudi, I studied my Qu'ran and fell in love with the words. I stood in front of my mirror one more time and told myself . "You are a creation of Allah, and He knows best. He made you into this miracle with perfection. He gave you a soul so that you can search and worship Him through all  your days. You are beautiful just the way you are. Protect that beauty. Hold it near your honor and you will see how Allah's blessings and mercy will be upon you".  From that day, I cried for the love I have for my God. I wept for the mistakes I have done. I  took my veil, I covered my hair and neck. I looked at myself and for the first time I knew, I am beautiful and it is okay that no one else knows. Allah knows that already, and it is the only thing that matters.

Coming from a very western country and being surrounded by western thoughts of being open and bare. It was a hard thing to understand in the beginning. People have placed the focus on the hijab as if it oppressive. Let me tell you now, "feeling oppressed" is the furthest thing from wearing a scarf around ones head. Islam is against oppression. Hijab is a gift to us women and not a curse. It does not cause hardship, it does not cut a woman's intelligence into half, it does not make you trip nor stumble. It is a symbol of belief, it is Allah's protection and blessings upon all His daughters. I am still me, still enjoy laughing, still enjoy singing, still enjoy reading, eating, chatting to friends and family, the hijab didn't change my personality. It is my symbol of Islam, it is my way of worshiping my Lord. It is me being modest, respecting others around me and most of all respecting myself.