My daughter has passed her 4 month mark successfully; I can only thank Allah for that. Since the day she was born, I have been able to see life in a different light, a different sound, and from a different eye.
When I look at my daughter, I realize how precious life is, and that I shouldn't take anything for granted.
She gives me that strength when I feel like giving in, the smile when I am overwhelmed with tears, and the joy when loneliness is my best friend.
Me and my daughter have been able to grow together regardless of the separation anxiety that we both suffer from at times. Being a mom is sometimes tricky. You want to be the guardian angel that protects the household, and you still want to be that stilettos-high heels kitten that wants to make the best of life. The biggest lesson that I have learned was that to be both is possible. However, you being both will take a life time of learning.
Being a working mom is something that is easier said that done. In this post I would like to recognize all moms that are actually doing it. I also want to give thumbs up to mom that have taken the best decision to stay at home. Before I got married, I always dreamed of being a stay at home-mom. To have my eye on my kids, to be their teacher and raise them was my set goal. However, life never turns out as we plan. Due to certain circumstances, I ended up being a working mom. I am grateful that I am a working mom because I would like my daughter to know that -yes- women can work in the world, and that we should be valued. However, taking this position was the most difficult pill to swallow. I guess a lot of my stress and sadness came from the fact that I never got that 3 month maternity leave that most mommies get around the world. I only had one month to spend with my daughter before heading back to work.
On the first day of work, I remember how I cried like a baby on my way to work. I felt like I was being the worst mom in the world. I was stressed out about my child, stressed out about my milk supply and worrying how I will make it through the day. Not one minute went by without me wondering how baby Riri was doing. As soon as the clock struck 1pm, I ran home as fast I could, so that I could see my little angel. To my surprise she was doing fine, luckily my mom was able to comfort her, and to keep the tears at a minimum.
I thought that I would be feeling this way only in the beginning and soon, I would be able to get "used to it". However, you NEVER get "used to it". You never get used to leaving your baby, no matter how protected her environment is, or how many times you have done it, you simply never get used to it.
It was something that I had to mentally train myself that even though the separation between infant and mother is a big torture, I just had to find a way to work through it.
Here I am 4 month later, my daughter is a big bundle of love, and still I am sad leaving the house for work. Therefore, I salute the mothers that do stay at home. You are doing an awesome job, and let no one tell you any different. I envy the time that you never miss with your babies. Time is the most precious thing between a mom and a child. Time is what makes that love blossom, time is what bonds you closer and closer. Luckily I am able to make up for that time in the mornings before I go to work, and in the evenings when I come home.
One thing about being a working mom is that nothing seems impossible anymore. The idea of cooking, doing some house work, burping the baby, and still grading the exams, is a skill one can only acquire from continuous experience. Somehow when I go to bed at night, I wonder to myself "How on earth did I just manage that all?" That is when I close my eyes and thank God for giving me that extra strength to make it through the day.
At the moment my baby is going through a transition of learning. Now, she has found her voice, and is starting to participate in daily conversations. She enjoys screaming at her toys, and tearing mommy's hair from her skin. Her daily ritual of drooling all over my clothes is her love bite to me. She enjoys seeing bright colors, and finds the T.V the most amazing the thing in the world. She indulges in watching Al Jazeera news and watches it with a face expression that exclaims, "I know what is going on around the world."
Her cheeks are growing heavier and heavier, plum and begging to be bitten or kissed. One of the most beautiful things that she does is when she wakes up in the morning. No matter how messed up her day is, she always wakes up with a beautiful smile, ready to greet the world.
It has been a long road, but a blessed road for sure. With all the drama going about in our live,s we have managed to come this far. I was even suffering from low milk supply, and somehow, here I am 4 months later still providing my baby with my milk. God is indeed our guardian, protector, and watches over us. I am truly blessed for having these experiences in my life.
So, to all mommies that are struggling to make it through , don't worry your prayers are being heard. You are doing an awesome job, and don't give in. I am able to appreciate my mom more now that I am a mom. I can finally understand how much she loves me, now that I can experience that love with my daughter.
A mother's love is near to God's love, unconditional and merciful.
Peace!
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