I have never really given advice to anyone regarding that, because I am a rooky at this. C'mon I have only been married for 2 months and 5 days. However my advice comes from the bottom of my heart and it is more religious and spiritual. I also pray that it helps you.
First of all I would say that you should probably ignore all the books and "Love Guru" magazines that are trying to teach us how to love. My argument is that love is natural human instinct. We all felt it and wanted it from the day that we were born. We were mostly lucky knowing the purest sense of love from our mothers. As they say in Twilight, it is an imprint. Your mom was everything and became everything you wanted. However, it becomes tricky when we step outside of family love and fall into the romantic love. It can be frightening and most of all really exciting as to see how things will turn out.
My first advice and the one thing I stick by is that you need to be aware of God. You need to be aware that He is watching you. Whatever you say and do is being witnessed from the All Mighty. So, when it comes to our speech and what we reveal or conceal , you need to know that God is ever watching you. So, if your intentions are 100% pure, you will of course make sure that you are ever patient, loving and kind to that person. Most importantly what you say to that person will have a greater impact.
My second advice that I stick by and I think it is really important, because it highlights on how to fulfill people's needs. What is your language of love? What does love mean to you? We all experience and understand love differently. What does it mean when someone say "I love you"? How can that person show it to you and you being fulfilled and vice versa It is important to know your spouse's language of love. Some people understand love by spending time with one another. Another person prefers gifts and being spoiled for shopping, others might like words of love. For example my one friend really likes to be told beautiful words every time and that is how she feels that she is loved. My other friend rather indulge in spending time with her husband. She enjoys sharing a good meal, talking about their days, going on tours and various kinds of activities with the person she loves. Now, your job is to find out what that person's language of love is. If that person really feels loved by words of affirmation, it doesn't help if the partner doesn't say good things or is cold in replying. The same with if another person enjoys being spoiled with flowers and all cute gifts, it doesn't help if you don't give him/her that and do something else instead. So, it is really important to know what your partner's language of love is. In the same way your partner should also make the effort to find out what your language of love is so that you can both find a common ground , or at least fulfill each others needs.
An expensive bag or big ass diamond means absolutely nothing to me, because it isn't my language of love. Now, a beautiful note or message that is stuck on the fridge with a small flower means the world to me.
At the same time we need to exercise patience, because it is the most absolute thing in any marriage I think. You can't have high expectations without patience, otherwise you will just shoot yourself in the foot. Likewise, how would you feel if someone place great expectation on you and then you can't fulfill them?? So, exercise patience, let your partner be himself/herself. So let the woman be the woman and let the man be the man. Sometimes he will say something that will just raise your eye brows, but be patient, and let him figure it out that maybe it wasn't an awesome thing to say. Give each other time to figure it out and so you learn together of how to step up when stepping up needs to be done. Some of you might think "but saying words of love is not my thing". It is that kind of thinking that will keep making you fail. Compromise! I mean, my husband loves hiking and outdoor stuff and I don't necessarily love it, but I am willing to go on a hike with him, because it makes him happy and at the same time I get to spend time with him :):) If you can't find the creative words to tell her how much you love her.....GOOGLE IT.......c'mon there are millions of letters Shakespeare wrote. Even better our Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) was the most romantic person. Go and read on how He treated His wives and how He (PBUH) made Aysha blush!! Rasulallah (PBUH) saw where Ayse (May Allah be pleased with her) drank from the cup and He(PBUH) drank from that same place, just to show His (PBUH) love for her (May Allah be pleased with her). Something so simple, yet mind blowing!
Last but not the least, never ever give up! Never sell the price of your marriage for cheap ticket to an easy way out. No one ever said marriage was easy. However it is the most beautiful thing created by God. So, don't give up in it. Always try your best, be at your best and never be let down. Marriage is not for lazy people. Nothing is more sad than seeing your spouse letting themselves go. Never let yourself go. I mean wearing pajamas is kinde cute, but wearing pajamas the whole day long is not so good. Imagine your spouse coming home to a woman still wearing pajamas hair not done, smelly breath and an untidy home......ewwww! That is why the romance just dies out, because people become comfortable and lazy. The same with the dudes, especially the dudes!! Remember before you married her, you used to sweep her off her feet by coming up with poetry, making sure whenever she gets to her desk at work there would be a beautiful flower sitting there with chocolates, sending her the last message before she sleeps, so that you are the only thing she thinks of. Remember the days when you used to open up the door for her WAITED until she got in the car and then closing the door?? Remember the days when you carried her bag, pulled out the chair for her and made her feel like she is the only thing that kept you breathing? Now, why did you stop doing that? So men too, don't become lazy. Keep being the best and making sure you out do her by showering her with lots of love!! If you feel frustrated or even hurt, because you are going through a rough patch, once again be aware of Allah. He is right there for you! Pray about it, tell Him what is in your heart and exercise patience, for Allah love those that are patient. The more you are aware of Allah, the better it is to see things in a good way, to not be let down and to always try your best. and NEVER listen to what others say. Your marriage is unique and beautiful! Treat it as such!
Love is such a simple thing, but we make it so complicated. We often confuse it with superficial and unrealistic "love" with real love. That is why you need to love yourself fully first and see what it feels like so that you can give that kind of love and respect to your partner.
So dear reader, I hope this advice can somehow guide you and give you some food for thought. Happy loving!
This quote from the Qu'ran should inspire you InshAllah
30:21] Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think.
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