This is a typical day for me.......
Conversation 1
Teacher: Ah, Zahra, when are you getting married?
Me: I have no idea. I asked about it, haven't gotten a reply.
Teacher: You are so pretty and so sweet, you should get married soon.
Me: If only I had the clock on timing all the things in my life.... unfortunately I don't.
Conversation 2
Teacher 2: How old are you?
Me: 25 going on 26 soon.
Teacher 2: (showing me her married finger), you are not married?
Me: Shocking isn't it? I have to deal with it every day.
Teacher 2: You are smart, beautiful and nice girl. You marry now now. Marry my brother.
Me: (laugh of embarrasment), I do have a preference list. Care to look?
Conversation 3
Me: I need to get to the eye doctor.
Driver: Oh everything is a problem with you.
Me: (keeping myself from lashing out), how about you just driving me to the eye doctor.
Driver: Once you married, all problems will go away.
Me: Oh wow, look at that. So, I'm an infestation of problems just because I am not married?
Driver: Inshallah you marry good South African man.
Me: Inshallah, we can close this topic as soon as possible.
This is a day-to-day bullying of what I go through just because I am NOT married!!
I think there is a serious misunderstanding in this part of the world. As I have witnessed and please correct me if I am wrong, but women here mean nothing unless they are married and bores a child. I am not applying this to only Saudi, I am applying this to strictly to this area. It is as if marriage is our ticket to "success" in life.
Personally , if you couldn't attain success alone or attempted to, what makes you think that it all rests in the "unknown" partner.
I am extremely lucky to have grown up in a household where I got to see the different sides of marriage in order for me to know what kind of person I am and what I am looking for. Desperate is not my mission and I will not fall into that trap. I am lucky that my mother actually encourages me the opposite, because it makes me think harder, work harder on my character as a person in order to actually find the right person.
I am lucky that I didn't get married at a tender age like 19 and then divorced, which seems to be the usual fairytale over here. I am lucky that I had to toughen up a bit in life, meet different faces to know exactly which face is kind or knifing.
What I failed to understand is why is it every one's business whether I am married or not? Why are you trying to edit and delete my life so that I can fit in the perfect "got married at 25 years old" fairytale?
Why am I being judged and denied of certain rights to live a pleasant life just because I am not married?
A good example of that is my driver! It is his mission in life to remind me that my life seriously sucks, because I am not married. Whenever I need to go to the clinic, I always have to hear it from him "You have problems, because you are not married." Whenever I go to the supermarket "You are a problem, because you are not married." Whenever I want to go to Riyadh "Why you going. So far? Inshallah you get married." What does going to the doctor, supermarket or Riyadh have to do with me being single???? It is funny with all the other teachers he dead quiet like a mouse.... I guess they are married. I would just like to ask him one question "Who signed you up to care so much about my personal life?"
I can't believe that I am being bullied into marriage. My own family and close friends don't even bully me. However here it is as if I am half a person, because I am not married. It is as if all my accomplishments in life don't matter, because I am not married. Never in my life I thought I would see the day where people would hide behind something so beautiful, which is a blessing, but they are making it into an act of desperation. It is as if it is sinful for a woman to be single!!
Well I have one thing to say. First of all, I am sure that Allah has power over all things. He knows every fibre of my being since He made it by His will. So, I am sure that He knows the depth of heart and knows my timeline very well. So, if I would ever have to get married, He will make it happen. NOT YOU!! NOT YOUR BROTHERS, YOUR COUSINS YOUR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO SHOVE DOWN MY THROAT.
Secondly, No one hired you to occupy yourself with my personal life.
Also, If I would ever want to get married, I wouldn't tell anyone about it. It would be something that is my business and my family's business. It will be in a "need-to-know-basis."
Thirdly, just because I am single doesn't mean I am doing sinful things. Just because I get to travel alone, live alone, eat alone and sleep alone, doesn't make me sinful. You'd be surprised how many married people act very single when their partners are absent. Also, if you married people stop making a crap job out of it, maybe it would make me more relaxed to get married. Just look at the divorce rate!!!
Fourthly. Have you ever thought that I am actually happy being single????? As much as you can't seem to get it, but I am pretty much happy being single. All my time is my time, no sharing of time. I can make decisions that are good for me on my own and deal with it on my own. I can be with my friends and family whenever I like. I am enjoying the freedom so far.
Lastly. I am still growing, learning and observing and therefore I am not ready. I believe that when I get married, I need to offer something that is priceless for my family and my husband. I am not there yet.
Tell me if I am wrong? Don't you think that it is actually wise of me for learning about my religion, strengthening my Taqwa, my Iman, my love for Allah and our Prophet (pbuh), educating myself about my religion BEFORE I get married? Isn't that the most important thing? Isn't it the RIGHT thing?
I don't want to be one of those wives or those moms that didn't take their single life as an opportunity to learn, to grow, to figure the world out before saying "I do". I think my single life is a blessing from Allah, it is the time to really work hard to better my character, to learn who I am and strive to be a pious woman in Islam. For me, it would be my priceless gift in marriage. I look at my character now, and I have improved, Alhamdulilah, but I am still not where I want to be or need to be, in order to be in something serious as marriage. I take marriage as a serious matter, it is the one thing I don't play with. If I marry, it would be for life and not divorce. So, why the rush? There is a reason why we have a saying in English "Easy come easy go" I am not willing to apply that saying into my life.
So, let me learn and let me be. If the time is right, which I myself don't know , I am sure Allah will bring that boy along. You just calm down and take a chill pill.
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